Columns

Daily Mainichi News Wire – Sprague Dawley

Local Despot Has Failed Family Crest Maker Melted Down And Sprayed Onto Failed Family Crest.

–NY Times–

A local despot, disappointed with a family crest that was lovingly hand-crafted for him over the course of the last 3 years, has had the craftsman responsible for the off-colour artwork melted down and sprayed directly onto the crest.

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“I ORDERED GOLD. NOT FUCKING YELLOW.”

“If I wanted fucking yellow I would have asked for fucking yellow” sneered the vicious despot.

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Columns

Daily Mainichi News Wire – Sprague Dawley

Local Ski Jumper Loses Track Of Time One Afternoon And Forgets To Report For Winter Olympics

–Times–

A local ski jumper reportedly “got a bit carried away at home with something or other” and completely forgot to report for the Winter Olympics. He had been selected to compete in the ski jump event. “Yes, I’d put my ski’s on, ready to go, and then started in on something else and completely lost track of the time I’m afraid”

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Columns

Daily Mainichi News Wire – Sprague Dawley

Australian Space Programme Reveal Objectives.

–SMH—

The Head of the Australian Space Programme, a Mr Trevor Gunston of Wollongong, has today revealed the objectives of the fledging multi-billion dollar programme.

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Mr Trevor Gunston of Wollongong.
–Head of the Australian Space Programme.

“Yeah mate, first objective is to find the fucken dog. Having a squizz for the mangy cunt from the space ship satellite telescope would be the go I reckon.

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Columns

Consent: A Universal Capability of Particular Oppression – Renny Ramone

Semantically, consent signifies an agreement reached together. Etymologically, consent has its origins in the Latin word consentire, the prefix con meaning together and the root verb sentire meaning to feel. To feel is a sign of humanity. To share those feelings with others whom have the same feelings is a right of humanity,

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