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1   Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wireon November 15, 2018, 03:15:07 AM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Local Villagers Ponder How To Cook Cement.

--Rwanda Times--

A group of local villagers have today announced that although they are thankful to World Vision for the organisation's kindly donation of cement bags, they feel they ought to confess that they collectively have "no fucking idea" how they are going to cook the shit.

"We thought about burning it with fire" said one villager. "But I think that might just make it angry."


"For fucks sake."
-- a local villager.

"I suspect some sort of cement broth will be the go" said one wise village elder. "Kind of a pain in the arse though. Especially frustrating after one of our local village dipshits tried to make a hut out of all the fucking steaks World Vision sent us last fucken month. Jesus, right now I am so goddamn hungry that I can't even be arsed making some wise crack about shitting bricks later on."

2   Lit / Re: Rap battleson November 14, 2018, 08:55:04 AM

Started by manuelmarrero - Last post by Ryan Bry (00VaporWhale00)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7U_haDQyJY

[Hook]
Jesus Christ wants to be based
Jesus Christ walks from the dead

[Verse - Lil B]

This'll do you right, no verses of hatred
See a bitch sucker take him like Satan
Now rep BasedWorld no turn in saying
But he did converting all our secrets to law
He can't say shit put your mouth on the pause
Then return like Spock and have revenge like Jason
Im a lazy dude so ain't no running or chasing
Put a two Glocks out, now you running, you wasted
Picked up the newspaper where your face on the pages
It's a laugh.. your life was wasted
The people ask why the world so shady
You have no family only gunners and cliques
Thats when the Gold gun go click and they turn and..
I miss - you fell on your ass now detector hit
And I see you red eyes, you couldn't handle that shit
Remember when BasedGod, man he granted you a wish
Crazy niggas like this be the ones thats rich..

[Hook]
[Talking]
Gods father mixtape..something is real special with me that's all i'm saying
Lil B rawest rapper to ever do it rawest rapper alive one of the most monumental

[Verse 2 - Lil B]
And now you understand BasedWorld generation
Converting to our scriptures taking quotes from life
But really do it, big stack chips getting wasted
BasedWorld Lil B no way to maintain it
The aftermath is shady but Im not shady
Even Eminem know Lil B crazy
I wanna see how you.. situations
Duct tape your clique..
Ain't no way for escaping
Niggas play that I don't got the patience
With the rap game I keep those patients
If you hear Lil B...

[Hook]
[Talking]
I said it and I wrote it, just know Gods Fathers... hear the lyrics
One man one life

3   Non Lit / Re: Reviews. Of Anything. Bit Like Forrest Macneilon November 13, 2018, 05:38:38 PM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Today's Subway Ride

such a weird one today. Businessman seated directly across from me, dressed to the nines, salt and pepper hair, polished black shoes, brolly, ffs, the guy was decked out like Patrick Macnee from the goddamn Avengers.



Minus the bowler of course. But he did look for all the world like a posh solicitor en route to his swish downtown office at Tunbridge, Snodgrass and Bellend or some shit.

Anyway, first alarm bell was why was he sitting in the handicapped seats? These types never do. Then I noticed his tic. A sort of simian baring of the teeth and snouty coiling of the nose and upper lip. Except he did it all the fucking time. It was fucking out of control. Tourettes, aspergers, fucked if I know. Schizophrenia? The eyes had that schizo look, completely retreated from reality, glazed, utterly unaware of his suroundings or whether or not anyone was looking. In summary, all dead giveaways for Bonkers City Limits, pop; this guy.

WFT, I haven't even got to the part that had me transfixed in morbid fascination for my 20 minute train ride. He seemed to be biting his nails or something. Fine, not an exhibitor of sectionable behavior. But after looking a bit closer I could see what he was actually doing was picking scabs off his skull behind his ear... and then eating them. Continously. Like a mental squirrel who'd missed his brekkie.

Now my main point of curiosity was how the hell did he pass the interview to land his supposedly swank job given his completely mental facial tic, questionable dietary habit and obviously generally bonkers comportment? There's no way he could get to the office and hide that shit. He didn't give a fuck who was looking. Maybe he developed it recently and his poor bastard firm can't fire him? What the hell does he do all day? No way he gets that spruced up to go to sit in some basket weaving class with all the other nutters. Where was he going?

oh well, either way, at least I know now that Prokash either has a job or dresses very well.

4   Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wireon November 12, 2018, 12:00:03 AM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Local Resident Furious Over Sea View

--New Zealand Herald--

A local Auckland resident is said to be furious over their "stupid" sea view. "The trees are too short to block off that revolting view of the waterway. All that wet, drippy water. It makes me seasick just to look at it. And God only knows how deep all that wet rubbish is, or what dangers are lurking beneath the surface. Even just seeing the undulating tide makes me feel discombobulated and queasy with fear and horror. And what if a tidal wave rumbles in and there are no trees to shield my eyes from the unfolding horror happening right before my very eyes? The trauma on my psyche, to witness firsthand such a epochal, destructive episode would be catastrophic. It would take me years and years and years of psychiatric therapy to recover my sane mental equilibrium."


The potentially-traumatising view in question.

"I have lodged many, many compaints with my local council" continued the irate resident. "I have pleaded with them to please, please, please plant some bigger trees to block the view, for the sake of my mental wellbeing. Or even erect some sort of enormous concrete wall right in front of my house, completely blocking the ocean view. That would be fabulous and it would seem to be the humane thing to do. But no. My desperate pleas have been met with a wall of stony silence from the selfish, vicious, scenery nazis that staff the local council.

"And Good God, while I'm here, don't even get me started on my garden. It's like Day Of The Bloody Triffids out there."


The tropical nightmare garden in question.

"The little wall down there serves a valiant purpose, stopping the wild undergrowth from encroaching upon the poor defenseless grass lawn, but it's a never-ending bloody battle. It's like Borneo getting bum raped up the arse by Burma out there. My numerous requests to the local council for permission to burn this wild undergrowth with a combination of liquid petrol and fire have all been ignored. Good grief, how can I live like this. It's like some sort of third world, AIDS-ravaged, insect-despot, Lord Of The Flies jungle hellhole.

"And my actual room? Oh God. The sun streaming in at all hours of the day sends me half sunblind. And when I can finally pry my eyes open wide enough to see outside, hello, the whole place is sprouting all those stupid little jungle Bonito banana plants or whatever they hell are. And don't get me started on that enormous banana tree or whatever it is over there in the foreground of this shot. For God's sake, if I want to eat a banana I will make my way to the supermarket down the road and purchase a banana through the established vendor channels located within said establishment, thank you very much."


In the background, the glass-based panels in question that could
potentially cause sunstroke or, possibly, sunblind-derived eye paralysis.

In the foreground, some sort of hanging, horizontal, wild banana black market enterprise.

5   Non Lit / Re: What movies have you viewed recently?on October 31, 2018, 04:58:01 PM

Started by manuelmarrero - Last post by Sprague Dawley

The Omen
one of most frightening overtures of its time and all time.
Somehow, back in those neglectful laissez faire parenting days of the 1970's, I wound up in the lido and saw the Omen when it came out. Just checked Rotten Tomatoes, it wouldve been 1976. I was 7.
It scared the UNHOLY LIVING FUCKING SHIT out of me. I was absolutely riveted and, being 7, and seeing Damien, and the 666, and being completely bereft of the capacity for critical thinking at the age of 7,
I believed every fuckign word of it.

Oh fuck, let me just reiterate, it rattled the HELL out of me.

Don't recall going to the cinema before then.

Don't tell me that was my first ever movie. FFS.

6   Non Lit / Re: What movies have you viewed recently?on October 31, 2018, 01:17:16 PM

Started by manuelmarrero - Last post by manuelmarrero

Damn that is a lot of movies.

Don't think I've ever watched a horror movie all the way through. The Omen? Exorcist?

We don't get them non-mainstreame filme on our cable film channeles. And I'm fucked if I'm going to sit at the computer to watch a movie

The Omen and The Exorcist are pretty bool. The former has one of most frightening overtures of its time and all time. The latter speaks for itself; nice gateway to Blatty's other work.

You'd have to care as much about filmes as you do recordes, but I take it you don't, so won't go there unsolicited. If you want to watch the non-mainstremme, you got to invest in some equipment.

Hope you're having a SPOOKtacular Halloween over there in the Land of the Rising Sun.

CONT.

RIP FilmStruck

House: Japan's answer to Jaws only sharks don't eat Asians so it's a ghost story. Screenplay was written by the director's daughter, who was 12 or so at the time. Kanye if you're reading this, you oughta sample the theme. A mashup of martial arts, ingenious special effects, WWII ruminations, madcap fun. 10/10

I Was a Teenage Zombie: Nice soundtrack opening with the Fleshtones. Cut from the same bolt of cloth as other punk crossovers like Return of the Living Dead, Repo Man, etc. Loud, low-budget, kind of wistful. 8/10

Demon Seed: Fuck yeah, who knew Dean Koontz could spawn a great mindfucker of a horror movie. An advanced AI tries to impregnate a female host. Lurid visuals and voice-overs ensue. Gem. 10/10

The Leopard Man: Nothing like a Val Lewton/ Tourner collision. These movies lead you more bizarre places than almost anything of the time. 10/10

The Faculty: Bodysnatchers premise in a high school. Robert Rodriguez does his paint by numbers gross thing, the script as cheeky as one would expect from the Scream writer. Overall, a good ride. 8/10

7   Non Lit / Re: What movies have you viewed recently?on October 30, 2018, 06:10:05 PM

Started by manuelmarrero - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Damn that is a lot of movies.

Don't think I've ever watched a horror movie all the way through. The Omen? Exorcist?

We don't get them non-mainstreame filme on our cable film channeles. And I'm fucked if I'm going to sit at the computer to watch a movie

8   Non Lit / Re: Tell me what you really thinkon October 30, 2018, 06:07:03 PM

Started by tedprokash - Last post by Sprague Dawley

I think climate change is real.

However, after rooting around the foriisphere, a weird number of forus just lock threads related to climate change. Heads in the sand?

dahhhmmmnn, this article, so heavy:

http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2017/07/climate-change-earth-too-hot-for-humans.html

Although it turns out some sciencey guys criticised the article as being a bit alarmist. I like alarmist! Think the fucken worst!

What struck me from article was the dearth of books/hollywood fodder on the matter. You'd think it'd be right up their alley. Turns out even the supposedly most imaginative,
creative people just flat-out can't even imagine what it'll really actually be like when the shit goes down.

Talk about Operation Certain Death.

We're fine but our grandkids are stuffed. No "last of the summer wine" in their dotage. More like "last of the rioting migrants shot in the face."

Or perhaps more accurately, "Last of the huge migrant flotilla rafts quietly sunk by cloak of darkness"

-----------------------------
Quote
--NY Times--

Dec 2060

The private military contractors Halliburton, entrusted to evacuate the last remaining 2 million Bangladeshi's from their flooded landmass, have denied "accidentally" losing all 2 million of the refugees at sea. "I don't know what happened" confessed a Halliburton spokesman." But I do know that the Bangladeshi government's cheque did not clear..."

9   Non Lit / Re: What movies have you viewed recently?on October 28, 2018, 06:06:16 PM

Started by manuelmarrero - Last post by manuelmarrero


Casino Royale (2006)

CGI era kicks in. Daniel Craig takes advantage, opening action scene, woah, that thrilling hi-speed fancy dan camera shit never happened in the doofusland 70's instalments. Took Craig all of 30 minutes to supplant Connery as alltime #1 Bond. Fast, athletic, even got some wee beach muscles in there. Bit wooden with the sook scenes but fuck that shit anyway. 94% on RT. Timothy Dalton? GTFO. Timothy fucking Dalton. They may as well have had Stevie fucken Hawking as 007 instead of that charisma-bypassed vanilla git.

Top 5 Bond film for me. Somehow slightly underrated oughts era thriller.

Weekend Seasonal Halloween Horror Autumn Slash 2018 binge edition:

Sleepaway Camp: Holy shit. Most knee-bucklingly startling ending in 80s horror. Full of John Waters-esque flourishes. The anti-Friday the 13th. Personal. 10/10

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers: Faithful to the original's tone with a bit more nudity. Capitalizes on the og's delicious twist. 8/10

Child's Play: Chucky's still upper echelon horror animatronics/puppeteering. 8/10

Nosferatu the Vampyre: Klaus Kinski, Isabelle Adjani, Bruno Ganz in a Herzog-directed, written, and produced slow burn about the Black Plague and the soul of vampirism that's gorgeous with a poetic script. 10/10

Once Upon a Time in America: Saw this for Shabbat Shalom, in memory of those old dearly departed Jews. One of the best movies. The Doctor Zhivago of gangster flicks? With Once Upon a Time in the West and then this, Leone cemented himself, in my mind, as one of the GOATs. The obverse rape scenes in this are fucking fascinating. 10/10

Hush: Pretty stylish modern slasher with a clever conceit. Lots of movement. Effective. 8/10

Cube: Pretty shite pretentious and badly acted film with a confounding cult status. The premise is cool, but it gets buried in its convolution and woodenness. 4/10

Teeth: A woman with a hungry pussy chews and spits dicks out, and other things. Tonally gifted movie. Nice digression into the theological provenance of the theme. Strong 8/Weak 9/10

RIP FilmStruck

Carnival of Souls: Hallucinatory big dumb twist movie that's pretty grand. Felt like a significant lacuna. Eerie, mounting terror. 10/10

The Ear: Czech nerve-shredder about surveillance. 10/10

I Walked With a Zombie: The first use of zombie? Tourner was a master of cheap props and set designs. Remarkable how effective this remains. 10/10

Day of the Dead: Slow, but probably the best of the Living Dead series. The gore in the third act can't be topped. 10/10

Return of the Living Dead: Fun, punky movie. 8/10

Vamp: Wow! 10/10

The Stuff: Classic. 10/10

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight: Still good and gory and fun. Abundant nudity and judeochristian stuff 8/10

Lisa and the Devil: Mario Bava's most extravagant pageant. Was shamefully ripped off with the same lead actress and a tacked on Exorcist plot after the success of the Exorcist in House of Exorcism. Hadn't seen the original until now.  10/10

The Curse: Lovecraft movie with a lot of weird yokels. Interesting but not scary. 7/10

Saw a buncha other shit that maybe I'll save for posterity. Maybe not though.






10   Non Lit / Re: Twitteron October 24, 2018, 02:38:21 AM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

the fuck, remmmebered a Glenski twit account I have squirrelled away, went to ask for password reset and...
Quote
If you requested a password reset for @LavondaRomeu, click the button below
Who the ARSE is Lavonde Romeo? Did Glumski change his fucken name? I don't think so twitter cunts! SORT IT!
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