a pale light from a window on high – Hestia N/A

July 6, 2020

Awoken by the sound of something otherworldly in my room. I open my eyes and before me resides a great archangel. Its form shimmering as if it’s moving in and out of reality, never quite fully real in its incomprehensible form. My mind scrambles, my eyes widen as my brain tries to grasp what lays before me. My brain is being ripped out by a great terrible beast. “DO NOT BE AFRAID” it proclaims to me. I sink further into insanity as my mind races to understand what I am witnessing. A flurry of emotions seep into me- anger, fear, joy, terror. The longer and longer it occupies my vision the more my mind fragments like a rib cage collapsing from the blow of a sledgehammer, my form breaks. In my state of mental anguish I am unable to comprehend what it says to me, as it continues shifting swirling shimmering like some being out of time come to collect me. In my terror I cry ever more, forever more I cry in my anguish and fear. I am trapped in its beautiful yet terrifying form. Then in a moment it’s gone, but it still resides in my mind as I exist, completely broken by this cosmic being’s appearance. The image of it floating there splits my brain like a great tsunami crashing into a city. All that I am left with is shattered parts and fractal fragments.

 

My mind races as I am ever spurred forward into a greater unknowing, a greater insanity
Within the shattered pieces of my psyche resides my core held together by faith
While the hounds and demons are at the gates of my soul to conquer me my faith is a shield
Every vigilant ever ready it cast down great fire and brimstone onto the unholy beings below
Within my brain every day there is a Sodom and Gomorrah
I am not ok
I am not safe
I am only barely together
In that admission I find my ability to declare submission
To that which is greater than any man, demon, or other being
Forever residing within me and around me is God
The divine drives me forward the divine protects me
The demons may shriek and cry out but they will never win
I may be ok someday
I may be safe someday
I may be together someday
Someday the reckoning within my psyche may end
Someday I may find peace