Abstinence Anna – Elizabeth V Aldrich
August 30, 2020
day 2 or is it 1 cold-turkey, this turkey! oh my god! the turkey! oh my fucking god! this turkey is COLD. and i’m not talking smooth cold or ice cold or Appalachian cold, i’m talking dry ice dead ice fucked up ice in your eye cold turkey. i am so fucking doubtful right now i could beat a horse over the head with a horseshoe. i could make my own glue out of eeyore and sniff it, that’s how blue i am. jesus fucking christ. also i threw a lot of fits today, they boomeranged, and i had to do a lot of jumping on cars and haranguing passersby and bumping into people because everything is in the way of everything and this dread clammy body is cloying to my brain, like a bloodthirsty infant clamped onto a parent’s leg who is already late for work this is really the wrong time for everything but that’s kind of how it is, when every corner of the earth is advancing into your brain and everyone’s face is melting, and oh god, tons of aisles, endless aisles, just imagine, i’m sure you can; no man is an aisle unto himself but my neurotransmitters are lost in space.
fuck the blood-brain barrier. you heard me!
…[r]ecent studies in neuroscience have indicated that a consistent number of chemicals are present in the brain when people testify to feeling love. These chemicals include; Testosterone, Oestrogen, Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Vasopressin…
mix well & push IV STAT! spend your last day on a coke, mescaline, PCP-fueled bender, smoking, sungazing, thinking about nothing. treat yourself with a cache of dextropropoxyphene hydrochloride, methadone, midazolam, metoclopramide, chase with a brandy vermouth cocktail and a handful of Seconal. (the sad thing is that when you have the will you do not have the way, and vice-versa.)
it really is just a chemical imbalance.