Bong Spliff Finger Flip – Tom Ianelli

January 30, 2026

I pulled up to the skatepark and snatched my board out the fuckin trunk. Skating over, I saw an ambulance pull away from the far parking lot and thought some soccer kook proly broke his ankle or some shit. All the fools were there clumped up by the bowl and some Hank Williams was blaring out of a half smashed speaker. Logan was smoking a cig sitting on his board, Chelsea was rolling a spliff next to him, Willem was hitting a bong next to her and some old head I didn’t know had this black and electric green silicone pipe that looked like a dildo.
        “Hit my fuckin piece,” the old head kept saying. “Hit my fucking piece this is good shit.”
        Chelsea laughed. “Fine man.” She hit the pipe. “It’s aight I guess,” she said.
        “You’re crazy, Willem hit this shit.”
        “I’m good bro,” Willem said, packing a chop in the bong. “Yoooo Tom what’s good bro.”
        “Whatup,” I said and dapped up all the fools.
        “Whatup, hit this shit,” the guy said.
        “Aight,” I said, and hit it.
        “Good shit right?” He asked.
        “It’s fine man,” I said. “Let’s fuckin skate yo.”
        “Fuck yeah,” Logan said and he lit a new cig from the butt of his old one. Fool wanted to only breathe smoke I swear.
        We hit the fly out first. The park had this big bowl with a shallow, a flow section and a big clamshell, but we just took the roll in and did fly outs to flat. That was our shit. I did a fuckin 180 and tried a back 3. My girl Chelsea did the sickest grabs. She could roast beef 180 and airwalk and one time she even finger flipped out of a mute grab which, on god, was like fully touched by a higher power. Like we fuckin picked her up and paraded her around the park for that shit.
        That fool Willem only did tre’s. Like whatever we were skating he would go, “Ima bust a tre,” and he would ride up to it all biting his lip and shit, sizing it up all serious, but no cap bro couldn’t even tre flip on flat, he just did that shit where you flick it and catch it with your front foot.
        But anyways that fool went full speed down the roll in tryna tre out the QP but when he blasted out, he flailed like crazy landed smacked down on his ass cheek and I swear we were laughing so fuckin hard. Like bro it was so funny, but then Willem got up all mad, like so pissed and red in the face and shit. Willem is a plumber and he’s a proud fuckin dude who doesn’t like bein laughed at, so he was all, “fuck you guys shut the fuck up,” all grabbing his ass and shit.
        We skated over to him and patted him on the back and I pulled out a spliff I rolled and gave it to him like a present.
        “My fuckin ass,” he said.
        We went and lit that shit and laughed so hard at the video Logan took and even Willem thought it was funny.
        We were chillin, hittin the spliff, and I remembered the ambulance and so I was all, “yo what was good with the ambulance?”
        Chelsea coughed, “oh my god bro you weren’t here. Bro damn near died.”
        “Who?”
        “Some rando dude in skinny jeans. Me and Logan were kickin it smoking, and he came over all fucked up, bleeding out of his head and shit. Like bro couldn’t even talk and then he puked all over himself. We thought he was faded but then this lady came over on the phone and said he hit his head and then the ambulance bros showed up in full emergency mode.”
        I was all “fuuuck that’s fucked” and I don’t know why but hearing that made me feel fuckin weird for a sec. Like it was too easy to picture me or Logan or Chelsea bleedin like that, all fucked up and shit. Like any old day you could just be chosen and then everything would just be fucked. Like it felt almost inevitable, like that shit was lurking, waiting for you no matter how much you tried to hide from it and then once it showed up there was no going back.
        “Gotta pay to play,” Willem said.
        “Gotta pay to play,” we repeated, nodding all solemn and shit.
        But then those lil fuckers Ewan and Jack bust in yelling all crazy.
        “Oh god my fuckin tit,” Ewan screamed, holding his chest.
        “Yo calm down,” Chelsea said, laughing.
        “Aughhh,” he screamed louder. He lifted his shirt and his chubby 12 year old nipple was all chafed and red.
        “Bro what happened?” I asked.
        “Some old lady hit me with her fuckin car!”
        “For real?”
        “Yeah bro! We got food from Kid Valley and I took this corner too fast and this fuckin old fuckin lady fuckin hit me with her fuckin car and spilled my fuckin fries and my shake.”
        “That was my shake bitch,” Jack said.
        “Whatever! All my shit splattered all over the road and I scraped the shit out of my fuckin tit. And when that old lady got out of the car she was all fuckin crying and shaking and shit. She started hugging me and kissing me and I was just like fuck, that was my fuckin milkshake.”
        “That was my fuckin milkshake,” Jack said.
        “Was the lady okay?”
        “No bro she was like fully weeping. She said she thought she killed me. She kept tryna give me money and shit and I was like bitch get off me. Chelsea let me hit the spliff!” He said. “I need a fuckin hit.” He tapped his finger and thumb against his mouth and sucked in, hittin an invisible joint.
        “No bro you are a literal child,” Chelsea said.
        “Fuck!” Ewan yelled. “My fuckin tit!”
        Jack sack tapped him and he doubled over groaning but laughing too and they started wrestling.
        “Get out of here,” Chelsea said, pushing them and they rolled away.
        Chelsea killed the spliff and I pulled out another. Logan sat behind us cheefin his cig, noodling an invisible guitar to the riff on some old Santana shit coming out the speaker.
        Willem pulled a dab rig out his bag and he fucked with it for a minute and then torched it. “Bro hit this shit bro, it’s good shit” Willem said, imitating the old head, and we all laughed.
        Chelsea started rolling a blunt and I rolled another spliff and some lurkers who weren’t even skating came over and asked for a hit and we shared the love. We’re real egalitarian-like.
        “What the fuck are you guys doing?” Chelsea asked, looking behind us. We looked back and Jack and Ewan were doing the suck it motion over and over seeing who could do a bigger hump.
        “Suck it, suck it, suck it.”
        “I need to fuck so fuckin bad,” Willem said, grabbing an invisible booty in front of him.
        “I feel you dawg,” I responded, not knowing the fuck else to say. Willem said weird shit like that sometimes.
        “Let’s fuckin skate,” Chelsea said.
        “Fuck yeah,” Logan said, lighting another cig.
        We started skating this manny pad for a little and I was close to getting a nose manny but just before I was about to throw my board down someone behind me was all, “skrrrt,” and this dude busted past me and did a kickflip nose manny fuckin first try.
        “The fuck,” Chelsea said.
        “Oh shit,” Logan said. “That’s fuckin Magnus Park.”
        “No way,” Willem said.
        “Who cares?” I said.
        “Bro let’s go watch,” he said, picking up his board.
        “Bro why? Let’s skate.”
        “Dawg shut up,” Willem said and they all walked over to watch and I followed behind.
        I gotta admit the dude was fuckin ripping, like that shit was glued to his feet. Like there’s a 10 foot vert section of the bowl and he back lipped the whole way around a corner and did a fat backside air. Like he was on some Bob Burnquist shit, like we never seen fools do that before, but it was fuckin wack at the same time. Like, the fool was more a fuckin gymnast than a skater, like on some skate coach woodward type shit and it was like, oh cuz you had some rich parents and a fuckin backyard ramp I’m supposed to let you snake me and thank you after for letting me be a witness? Like I’m supposed to bow down to you type shit? Like who the fuck are you bro?
        And just then bro did a fly-out from the flow bowl all the way to a bank into the flow section and damn near hit me in the face and I fell over and that bitch didn’t even look back. Like he did it on purpose. I walked over and Willem and those fools were laughin their asses off.
        “Fuck that guy,” I said, lighting up a spliff.
        “You’re just mad cause he rips and you don’t,” Willem said.
        “Bro I’m mad cause we were just about to skate and then this fucker shows up and you all stop and watch.”
        “Dude’s a predator,” Logan said.
        “What?”
        “Yeah he’s fuckin predator. He’s messaged a bunch of 15 year old chicks saying they have nice tits or something.”
        “Bro what.”
        “For real.”
        “Who cares?” Willem said.
        We were all “Bro wuuuuut?”
        “Who the fuck cares what you heard on the internet bro. So he messaged some chick, big deal. All this shit you fuckin hear about, it’s fuckin gossip.”
        Me Logan and Chelsea looked at each other like the fuck??
        “Y’all are too sensitive,” Willem said.
        I was all, “whatever bro why are we even talking about this? We were just about to fuckin skate and then this pedo shows up and you all pick your boards up.”
        “Go skate then!” Wille said. “Challenge him to a game of skate. Oh wait your bag is fuckin ass.” He laughed this high pitched hyena laugh. “Go do your fuckin shuv it body varial,” he said.
        He laughed again and shoved my board out into the park but then Magnus launched out of the mini ramp and caught on my board and he fell a full 8 feet into the flow bowl right on to his back like so fuckin hard yo, and right in front of us. We were all just sitting there with our fuckin mouths open like oh my god bro, like we thought we mighta killed that fool. But then he groaned and rolled around and eventually got up and he snatched up his board all mad and threw it and hobbled out the bowl. He screamed all aggro and Willem got up and skated over. He was all, “you aight Bro?”
        And Magnus was all, “fuck off.”
        And Willem was all, “bro I was just trying to help.”
        And Magnus was all, “bro I said fuck off.”
        So Willem was all, “aight fuck you then, get the fuck outta here.”
        Magnus looked up all pressed but he caught a good look of Willem for the first time and Willem had his thug stance and he just gives like a Northgate/Aurora type not-to-be-fucked-with vibe and so Magnus was afraid but still proud and shit so he was all, “bro just fuck off okay?” But all wimpy this time.
        But this only made Willem more mad so he pulled up his pants and put his two fists down in front of his waist and was all “you fuck off bitch, whatchu wanna do? This my fuckin local, who the fuck are you?”
        Magnus saw bro was right so he picked up his shit, but on his way out he turned back and was all, “good luck ever getting sponsored, you fuckin kook” and Willem laughed so fuckin hard, like no one has ever said something so bitch made, and seein us laugh, Magnus knew he just took a fat L. He hobbled away, holding his back and shit and Willem was all, “pedo bitch!” and then came back and was all, “fuck that guy” and we smoked the fat blunt chelsea rolled and when we finished Logan was all, “yo let’s fuckin skate.”
        “Bro fuck yeah,” I said.
        We hit the euro gap. I did my go-to’s all smooth. Some 180s and a shuvs which like a month ago I swear was more impossible than an impossible but now I got em locked.
        As I was chilling in the lineup and I was all, “bro, in bed this morning I was picturing it. I’m gonna fuckin hardflip the euro.”
        “You say that everyday,” Willem said.
        “Nah nah nah bro like I swear I saw that shit in my minds eye,” I said.
        “In your dreams bro literally,” Chelsea said.
        “You’ll see,” I said and I fuckin locked in and bro I musta tried that shit a hundred times. Like I was sciencing that shit, trying different foot positions and pressures and shit but I kept landing on the bottom of the board. Like I was trying for so long and soon enough the homies were like bro let’s skate the mini ramp, but they saw that I was on a fuckin mission and they got all quiet and let me cook. I really didnt want to bunt that shit so I had them try to film me to get me to land it but after a hundred more fuckin tries they were fuckin over it and said they were gonna hit the gas station but I didn’t even respond. I just kept at it. My legs were dead but I just tried to stay calm and breathe and give myself like half a chance to land it and bro I swear, it was like a full battle between good and evil. Like I was fully in a flow state but then these two jock dudes pulled up and sat on the bench outside the park drinking, watchin me and shit. One of them yelled, “do a kickflip,” or some shit. I just ignored it but they saw me look and the next time I went for it, one of them came into the park and stood right at the top of the euro and it made me so fuckin mad but what’s funny is it almost made me land my trick. Like I channeled all my anger into the try and for the first time my board did the full inward rotation and I got both feet on, but my front toe slipped and I slammed so fuckin hard and my board shot out and, on god, I was so fuckin frustrated. But like stoked at the same time cuz I hadn’t ever gotten that close so I fuckin growled there on the ground like “fuuuuuuck, god damn!” But when I got up I saw that the fuckin dude went and grabbed my board. Like he just snatched it up and started trying to do a kickflip.
        “Bro gimme my board,” I said.
        He tried a kickflip in his fuckin Allbirds and flicked the board away. I tried to snatch it up but he boxed me out and took it again.
        “Broooo,” I said, getting all mad. “Give me my board.”
        “Calm down, I used to be able to do this,” he said and oh my fuckin god I was so fuckin aggro. Like my homies know I never get mad. Like my philosophy is if you’re in control of yourself, everything’s good. But for real this dickhead was getting me really close to losing my cool. I tried to get control of myself and, all proper, I asked, “Can I have my board back please?”
        He was all “Dude chill out it’s just a toy.”
        And I was all like “Brooooooo,” but he didn’t give a shit. He started riding around the park all wobbly and shit and his fuckin friend came in to the park and threw his beer at him, just trashing the park, all laughing and shit. With my homies gone and these dudes around I started feeling low. Like pressed. Like, fuckin, I can’t even tell you bro, I just felt like it was all bad you know? It was like my fuckin dickhead lawyer older brother was in the park with me or some shit. Like it all came bubblin up. Like I could feel my chin fuckin fall down to my chest, like no cap I was just sad as shit. But like sad for real, you know what I mean?
        The guy fell down and laughed and got up and he was breathing all hard and finally he brought my board back. He reached out to hand it to me and I reached out too but he just fuckin dropped it at my feet.
        “Thanks bro,” he said and laughed but I didn’t even care. It felt like it was what I deserved or some shit. Like people like this dude and my fuckin brother would just never leave me alone so what was the point? What the hell was wrong with me in this fuckin world? But fuck it. I just wanted to hit a spliff. I muttered “Bitchass” under my breath and walked away. But then before I knew what happened I was on the ground. The dude heard me call him a bitchass and fuckin ran up and shoved me down from behind. He was proly waiting for me to say some shit and then he was all bent over me, yelling down at me, saying you don’t fuckin talk to me like that you loser piece of shit and then his friend all fuckin ran over and started yellin at me too and poured beer on my head and shit and I tried to get up but they fuckin shoved me down again.
        “Apologize now,” he said, like looking straight in my fuckin eyes and he had this look like he was gonna straight up squash me out.
        I looked at him and said “I’m sorry.”
        “Good,” he said. He looked down, like he was daring me to get up and say some shit else. But I just stayed there looking up at him feeling scared. Like feeling as low as they wanted me to feel. I thought that finally they might leave. And they did leave. But not before his friend kicked me in the stomach and he focused my board.

By the time the homies got back with their bevs I was halfway through a spliff, rolling another one.
        “Eyy its Bryan Herman!” Willem called out. “You land that shit?”
        I was all, “Bro no,” and I told them what happened and halfway through the story Chelsea picked up her board and stomped around looking to beat their ass and Logan was all noo “Brooooo nooo wtf,” and Willem was all pissed I didn’t step to them but I was all, “Nah bro I’m not about fighting like that.”
        “Bro that is so bitchmade,” he said.
        “Not to me.”
        “I woulda killed those fools. Like they’d be in the fuckin ground.”
        “Whatever bro,” I said.
        “No for real Tom that’s what’s fuckin wrong with you? You have to be a fuckin man, like I’m serious.”
        “Bro I don’t see it that way,” I said.
        “Bro Tom that sucks I’m sorry,” Logan said.
        “Bro you are such a pussy,” Willem said. “You gotta teach them a lesson.”
        Chelsea came back all pissed and said she couldn’t find em.
        “It doesn’t matter bro,” I said. “I’m just glad it’s over.”
        “You are so fuckin gay bro,” Willem said and me Chelsea and Logan were all, “bro one more time with that gay shit and you’ll never hit the spliff again.”
        He laughed, “okay okay okay I’ll stop.”
        “Willem seriously, like fuckin for real though.”
        And he got serious and was all “okay okay I gotchu,” which was his way of apologizing.
        I lit the spliff and passed it. I was glad I didn’t feel pressed no more. Like thank god that shit didn’t stick. Like 5 minutes earlier those kooks had me hating myself deadass, like I thought I was cooked for good but now it was like the park was ours again and I was all good. Like the sun was going down and I felt wasted in that good way. Like I was one with the concrete and the dirt and shit. Like I was one with the habitat on some ancient type shit.
        But then some shit happened. An ambulance siren blared somewhere and the four of us were sitting in a circle and it was like there was a click. I looked at the homies and what I saw got all strange for a moment. Like disconnected or some shit. I looked at my girl Chelsea and her face didn’t change but all of a sudden she looked like a stranger. Like whatever it was inside me that recognized her faded away. I looked at Willem and Logan too and the same shit. And bro it was fuckin strange. Like uncanny as fuck and then all of a sudden, I swear to god, everything stopped. The smoke coming out the spliff froze mid-air. The three-six coming out the speaker slowed way more than usual. Chelsea was laughing at some shit Willem said and Logan was looking at a dog and their faces were paused and then even more fucked, their eyelids drooped and their lips started melting, like falling off their face on some horror movie shit. And, like, I’m not even kidding bro, like I rubbed my eyes and opened them again and they were still fuckin like that, and so I was like brooo what the fuck. But then right as I was about to fuckin pinch myself or scream out or some shit, everything clicked back, and shit was normal again. Like I know it sounds like some phony acid trip shit. But bro it wasn’t. That shit happened and then suddenly it stopped happening and everything went back to normal.
        Willem passed me the spliff and when he looked at me he saw my face all tweaked and was all, you good bro? And I just looked at him fully spooked, like, what the fuck just happened? He was all, “Yo Tom you good?”
        And then I was all, “yeah bro” and I smiled and hit the spliff and damn if it wasn’t the best fuckin hit I ever fuckin took yo. Like that tobacco hittin the back of my throat and deep down in my lungs and then, with the sun going down, I blew that shit out and it came out as orange and purple as the sky and god damn if I wasn’t so fuckin relieved. Like that time-stopping face-melting shit was fuckin scary bro. How could it not be? But, like fuckin everything that happens, it only lasted a minute. But takin that fuckin hit, shit was back to normal. Shit was just how it was supposed to be.