Cola-Up Today – David Lohrey

The drink of the 21st century, a toast to the end of the world,
the soda of choice of the new American gestapo
whose members prefer it to green tea or Jack Daniels.

It’s the drink once forced down the throats of prisoners at Abu
Ghraib, where they pulled down the pants of prisoners
and made them listen to hip hop.

They ate Lucky Charms for lunch and were forced to drink
each other’s urine at tea time. Women guards were trained
to pee on the corpses of those who refused to cooperate.

Maryland teacher says yes to allowing students to draw on her dress.
She has now been nominated Teacher of the Year by Disney.
She says yes, too, to allowing boys to undress her.

They take her to the back of the room on a daily basis,
all part of a new program designed to address sexual deprivation.
Miss Turner is the district’s first volunteer.

When the boys are done, she’ll get a certificate for her days of service.
The district and the young teacher’s lawyers are in final discussions
over the cost of her unintended pregnancy.

The district has appealed to Washington to permit district nursing personnel
to conduct abortions on school grounds and have been approached
by Planned Parenthood about the disposal of the corpses.

There is controversy over the matter of the aborted fetuses’ ultimate value.
Chinese will pay more for the fetuses of Caucasians than those of people of color.
The district is bargaining for more since Miss Turner’s partners were all black.

Members of the Equal Pricing lobby continue to lie low since coming
under scrutiny for the number of unburied caskets found at the crematorium
for disadvantaged and destitute children.

The German Chancellor has advised allowing aborted corpses be buried
in open pits. This proposal has been accepted by the President of the UN’s
Advisory Board on Fetal Rights, the Right Honorable Minister.