Eight Thousand Poems – Myles Zavelo

A Wizard’s Wife


Let’s be honest for a moment… 


A young wizard needs a wife.  


And what a lovely thing that is

For a young wizard to marry a lovely wife. 


And, maybe, one day, she could become a wizard, too. 

She could really turn into a magical person. 

They could make a whole bunch of wiz kids! 


Fucking Stupid Idiot Cocksucker Asshole



Stupid idiot. 




Did you hear? 


I’m a fucking stupid idiot cocksucker asshole. 


Evolve with me

Right now.


Sexy Lady


Sexy lady strolls into the bar. 

Been drinking all day long.

Walk up to that very sexy lady.

Pull some pimp shit.


Say, “Ma’am, license and registration, please.” 


She doesn’t know I’m world famous.

She doesn’t know the job I do. 

She has no clue. 




My father was a very cruel man.

My mother was a very cruel woman.

My parents were very cruel parents. 


Growing up, I got diagnosed with clinical hyperactivity. 

Growing up, I had a speech impediment.

Growing up, I had an active fantasy life.



It happens. 


Portrait of My Little Sister in Her Sixteenth Year


My little sister is the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. 

My little sister maxes out her Platinum Amex. 

My little sister screams at the cleaning lady. 

My little sister burns our house down. 


You are an insane person

I tell her

So slowly. 




An orphan. 




My brother is a professional teenage spastic

And he takes pills for that

And after he takes his pills 

He talks to girls who have issues. 



With serious issues

Just like him

On our lawn. 


And meanwhile

Our dad 

He only loves money. 


Spring Chicken 



Absolutely not

I do not give you permission to hurt me. 


( ) ( ) ( )


And my lawyer says you can’t hurt me

But I have started to wonder if the law is any protection at all

You could just show up at my house

What am I gonna do if you do that?