Eight Thousand Poems – Myles Zavelo

A Wizard’s Wife


A young wizard needs a wife  
And what a lovely thing that is
For a young wizard
To find such a lovely wife 
And maybe one day
That wife can be a wizard too 
They could make wiz kids 


Fucking Stupid Idiot Cocksucker Asshole


Stupid idiot 

Did you hear? 

I’m a fucking stupid idiot cocksucker asshole. 

Evolve with me
Right now.


Sexy Lady


Sexy lady strolls into the bar. 
Been drinking all day long.
Walk up to that very sexy lady.
Pull some pimp shit.

Say, “Ma’am, license and registration, please.” 

She doesn’t know I’m world famous.
She doesn’t know the job I do. 
She has no clue. 




My father was a very cruel man.
My mother was a very cruel woman.
My parents were very cruel parents. 

Growing up, I got diagnosed with clinical hyperactivity. 
Growing up, I had a speech impediment.
Growing up, I had an active fantasy life.

It happens. 


Portrait of My Little Sister in Her Sixteenth Year


My little sister is the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. 
My little sister maxes out her Platinum Amex. 
My little sister screams at the cleaning lady. 
My little sister burns our house down. 

You are an insane person
I tell her
So slowly. 




An orphan. 




My brother is a professional teenage spastic
And he takes pills for that
And after he takes his pills 
He talks to girls who have issues. 

With serious issues
Just like him
On our lawn. 

And meanwhile
Our dad 
He only loves money. 


Spring Chicken 


Absolutely not
I do not give you permission to hurt me. 


( ) ( ) ( )


And my lawyer says you can’t hurt me
But I have started to wonder if the law is any protection at all
You could just show up at my house
What am I gonna do if you do that?