Eight Thousand Poems – Ricky Bing

February 15, 2022

A Wizard’s Wife

 

Let’s be honest for a moment… 

 

A young wizard needs a wife.  

 

And what a lovely thing that is

For a young wizard to marry a lovely wife. 

 

And, maybe, one day, she could become a wizard, too. 

She could really turn into a magical person. 

They could make a whole bunch of wiz kids! 

 

Fucking Stupid Idiot Cocksucker Asshole

 

Fucking 

Stupid idiot. 

Cocksucker.

Asshole. 

 

Did you hear? 

 

I’m a fucking stupid idiot cocksucker asshole. 

 

Evolve with me

Right now.

 

Sexy Lady

 

Sexy lady strolls into the bar. 

Been drinking all day long.

Walk up to that very sexy lady.

Pull some pimp shit.

 

Say, “Ma’am, license and registration, please.” 

 

She doesn’t know I’m world famous.

She doesn’t know the job I do. 

She has no clue. 

 

Psychology 

 

My father was a very cruel man.

My mother was a very cruel woman.

My parents were very cruel parents. 

 

Growing up, I got diagnosed with clinical hyperactivity. 

Growing up, I had a speech impediment.

Growing up, I had an active fantasy life.

 

What?

It happens. 

 

Portrait of My Little Sister in Her Sixteenth Year

 

My little sister is the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. 

My little sister maxes out her Platinum Amex. 

My little sister screams at the cleaning lady. 

My little sister burns our house down. 

 

You are an insane person

I tell her

So slowly. 

 

Untitled

 

An orphan. 

 

Teenagers

 

My brother is a professional teenage spastic

And he takes pills for that

And after he takes his pills 

He talks to girls who have issues. 

 

Girls

With serious issues

Just like him

On our lawn. 

 

And meanwhile

Our dad 

He only loves money. 

 

Spring Chicken 

 

No

Absolutely not

I do not give you permission to hurt me. 

 

( ) ( ) ( )

 

And my lawyer says you can’t hurt me

But I have started to wonder if the law is any protection at all

You could just show up at my house

What am I gonna do if you do that?