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Messages - Sprague Dawley

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 27
1
Non Lit / Re: Reviews. Of Anything. Bit Like Forrest Macneil
« on: April 17, 2019, 05:18:07 PM »
Forrest Macneil as his real life human "Andy Daly" puts his Reviews Cap on for Game of Thorns:

https://www.vulture.com/2019/04/andy-daly-game-of-thrones-season-8-episode-1-recap.html
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Lit / Re: As a writer, do you ever want to just quit sometimes?
« on: April 17, 2019, 04:49:36 PM »
We could also copy and paste some of the writings on the main page and submit them to wattpad. Sounds like a good plan to me.
this would break literatrii rules of engagement and throw everyone into a tizz. that said, some of my dogshit has appeared on the front page. I have no issues with the poetic stylings of H.O'og being incongrously spliced right the fuck into the middle of a pointless photo essay.

maybe we should sign up as Hoog Dawley.

or Sprague and Hoog Dawley, the artistic gay couple.

or Hoog and Sprague Dawley, me being your autistic son in that coupling.
3
Lit / Re: As a writer, do you ever want to just quit sometimes?
« on: April 16, 2019, 02:27:53 PM »
What do the esteemed fori writing cognescenti have to say about this?

https://www.wattpad.com/

Uh oh! Looks like uxpat has some serious competition.

Time to upload the Hoog compendium there!

Of course, like a drongo, my first thought is "how do I get banned from there?"
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Lit / Re: As a writer, do you ever want to just quit sometimes?
« on: April 15, 2019, 02:55:47 AM »
What do the esteemed fori writing cognescenti have to say about this?

https://www.wattpad.com/
5
Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire
« on: April 07, 2019, 04:10:59 PM »
Japanese Prince Reveals His Plan For Japan's Future.

--Japan Today--

Japan's Prince Manabu, operating under the illusion that he is in fact next in line to the Chrysanthemum Throne, and not his grandfather, has today revealed his plan to annex China to shit.


"Once my coronation is complete in early May I will immediately annex the living fucking shit out of those cross-eyed gook fucktards over the pond. And by cross-eyed gook fucktards, make no mistake, my able lieutenants, I do mean the infidel chinamen. They are a mongrel race of dog people not fit to polish my imperial mini-wanger."
--Prince Manabu, aged 11. Prince Manabu is 2nd in line to the throne. Not first in line.

"These marbles represent the various Chinese prefectures that will yield, in succession, before the mighty bayonets of Yamato" continued the Prince, who earlier in the evening had forced a royal courtier to do all of his homework for him at knifepoint. "By early summer, once our tank divisions have secured Peking, and once the ching-chong dog people are at heel, we the Imperial Sons of Amaterasu shall spare no mercy in setting these braying, atonal dog spawn amoeba to work in our slave-like sweatshops. Maybe making Japan's smartphone chips. Or maybe extra Pokemon cards. And maybe cake too. NO MERCY, MOTHERFUCKERS. Right then, can I go outside and play now please mummy? I've done all of my homework, I promise."

6
Non Lit / Re: Garden Shed
« on: March 20, 2019, 06:00:27 AM »
101 Ways To Be Gloomier

Gidday cunts.

Wayne Gunston here.


Dr fucken Wayne-o here.

Now then, down to business. Are you sick of seeing all these happy fucken wankers all over the place? Fuck me, I am. There they are, fucken walking around with a spry spring to their step, smiling, sharing a laugh with their fuckwit friend over this or that, sometimes even waving their hair around in the sunlight as the throw their head back and laugh out loud in broad fucken daylight. Fuck these happy arseholes. You don't want to mistaken for one of these overbearing cunts with their sunny dispositions and fuckhead kale yoga lattes.

So read along to this helpful lifestyle blog entry entitled 101 Ways To Be Gloomier by me, Dr fucken Wayne Gunston.


Avoid Nature.

Getting outside in the fresh air is always a dumb fucken move. Whether it's driving rain or howling wind or standing in dogshit or some other miserable nature bullshit that befalls you, it is **ALWAYS** a fucken mistake to leave the fucken house. You go outside and oh, look, it's a dirty great fucking HILL you now have to walk up to get where you were stupidly intending to go. Fuck that shit. Go back inside. Dickhead. This neatly segues us into Point 2...


Fuck Being Active.

Physical activity causes your brain to release dystropical enzymes which can cause heart attacks in your brain. I know this because I've been at home all day smoking urinal cakes while sitting on the sofa. So stay on the sofa and watch your usual fucking horseshit on TV in order to avoid these potentially lethal enzymes. See, your breathing has returned to normal. Plus no cunt ever got fucken skin cancer via the sun by whacking it to Days Of Our Lives.


Eat Shit.

Did you know there is a 15% chance that you could reach 90 years of age if you eat seaweed and sip a bird sperm smoothie every morning for fucken breakfast? Wouldn't that be a treat! Fuck all that shit. Load up on grog and hamburgers and sausies and bikkies. Earth, you will not miss. Fuuuuuuuuck yeaaaaaaahhhhhhh.


Avoid Positive Cunts.

I simply cannot stress this one enough, you fuckwits. You need to avoid all positive cunts. Their good will and feelgood vibe is Highly Fucking Suspicious, not to mention completely unsustainable as a life-simulating simulacrum. It is also 100% fucken fake. As soon as the doors close these cunts are maudlin old misery-guts just like you. Being a miserable cunt is the natural state of humanity so **AVOID** all fuckwits who glibly and pretentiously pretend to be otherwise. If you're backed into a corner and find yourself **HAVING** to interact with another human then make sure that the human is a negative cunt. Just like you. They're you're fucken people! Thank fuck this cunt is a piece of shit too!



Practice Pessimism. You're going to die. Tomorrow will be worse. Cry now, cry later. These are just a few helpful mantras you can repeat to yourself as you have your mid-morning tug. This is something that takes exactly what it’s labeled: practice. Whack and chant. Repeat after me, whack and chant. You can do it! No, you don't need to be ambidextrous to whack and chant at the same time Trevor you fucken dumbarse. Being pessimistic and negative all the time can seem difficult or unrealistic, but the more we practice, the better we get! Start out with one little thing that tends to annoy or irritate those around you during a given day and make a promise to yourself to try to exploit this discomfort in a negative way. If this insidiously planned negativity seems hopelessly beyond your reach as a budding negative cunt then try waking up each day and saying aloud "thank fuck dozens of cunts will have a shit day today."



Never Forgive Any Fucker.

Have you ever heard the quote “holding onto anger is like drinking blood while some poor prick in the ICU is waiting for a blood transfusion?” Yeah that's from Plato so a dumb cunt like you probably wouldn't know it. This quote holds so much truth. When you hold a grudge and harbour anger for someone or something, it will fuel your negativity like a glowing fucken sun. Every day aim to make your sun burn brighter. The sun is essential to maintain life on earth. Do you want to the sun to go out? If there's no sun and it's dark all day you might accidentally drink orange juice instead of grog when you can't see the label on the bottle. Do you want a life without grog? Think! Fucking think these things through! Actions have consequences. So work on harbouring your grudges, feed them, fuel them, let them burn, pray for fire on the sun.



NEVER Have A Pet.

They're needy little shits. If I had a pet I would name it "Born Annoying" and tell it to fuck off.



Never Smile.

Smiling is shady as shit. Anyone who smiles at you is either a hippie, a druggie or a pedo. Fuck that shit. Smiling is unrealistic. What does this leering smiley cunt want? Clint didn't smile once in 18 spaghetti westerns so there's no fucken reason a dipshit like you should start smiling at randos like there's a Jim Jones cookout in your pants. Pedo cunt.


Don't Talk To Any Fucker.

Staying silent is Gloomy Cunt 101. Why fucken bother? Small talk about the weather (shit) telly (shit) family (hopefully near death) is all just a waste of grog-in-mouth time. You didn't see Clint yakking about fucken petunias and azaleas in his new cabbage patch during any one of his epic 27 spaghetti westerns did you? Dickhead.


Go To Work Then Fucken Die, You Fuckwit.

Stop daydreaming about avoiding the inevitable. Go to work then fucken die. Cunt.

Righto.



"There were going to be 101 ways to be gloomier but I covered the cunt in 10 so get fucked."
Dr Wayne-o.

7
Lit / Expate Presse Fronte Page
« on: March 17, 2019, 01:28:37 AM »
The front page is going great guns but none of these literatii pricks ever make it back behind the curtains to muck in with us carny fuckers.

bugger me, could do with a diagramemd version of this one:

https://expatpress.com/how-to-fake-it-theresa-smith/
8
Lit / Re: surreal lit appreciation thread
« on: March 17, 2019, 01:23:22 AM »
bugger me, E.T's been around the block. who fucken knew.
9
Lit / Re: surreal lit appreciation thread
« on: March 13, 2019, 04:08:19 PM »
10
Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire
« on: March 11, 2019, 04:06:00 AM »
Japan's Emperor Finally Secures His First Ever Grot Mag.

--Japan Today--

Japan's Emperor, at the rip old age of 96, has today secured his first ever grot mag. "Yeah, I'm set to abdicate in May so with the cameras finally buggering off I'm keen to at last have a nice, long, leisurely flog to some glossy full-colour grot mag depicting filthy gagged spunks copping gallons of muck up the shitter."


"Fuck me, check out the hooters on that peasant slut."


"The Empress dried up rootwise halfway through the fucking war" opined the Emperor, somewhat wistfully. "And I'm not talking about the bloody Vietnam War either. Anyway, this mag should do the trick. While The Imperial Nag is out dicking around in the garden with her fucken bug collection or some bullshit I'll whip out the imperially abdicated wang and set to work priming the royal lineage pump with an eye on extricating some blue blood geyser gush shit all over the fucken monogrammed imperial cumrag. Do not disturb, cunts."

11
Non Lit / Re: Last Music Acquisitions/Cost/Shit/Shinola
« on: March 10, 2019, 02:07:11 AM »
back from 4 days bin scabbing Tokyo Disk Unions, dragging my 2 tonne suitcase through the grey driving rain, up the stairs, down the stairs, back up them again. Tokyo might be a high tech hub of innovation but how hard would it be to build some damn escalators at the subway stations? Anyway, the shopping wasnt so great, DU are just too good these days, too organised, not many cheapies slip through their cracks. I wouldve been better off taking my 22,000 yen airfare and putting it towards postage to getting the same stuff and wayy more off discogs. The used bins just have the pretty much the same stuff in each branch, over and over. Now that I think about it, none of my fave bands were spotted over the 4 days and I went through about 12 branches with maniacal precision. The Fall, flying nun stuff, Country Teasers, doom metal, 80's amrep, none of that stuff.

AL GREEN tired of being alone 7" 100 yen. got it already but as if I could just leave another copy sitting there for a buck
ARCWELDER pull LP 800 yen. been looking for an LP by these guys forever
BATTLES atlas 12" 500 the helmet drummer is mesmerising on this. sadly the twee bollocks vocals almost wreck it
BOB DYLAN billy the kid LP 700
BOB DYLAN the night 7" 300 yen
CHROME new age 7" 1200 yen.eureka moment
COLIN NEWMAN it seems LP 400. a bit shit
COLIN NEWMAN a-z LP1100 YEN sooooo much better
COMMODORES movin on LP 300 yen. yes, yes, you can have your laughs but the "Gimme my Mule" track is some axmurder funk
CONVERGE i can tell 7" 800 yen
CORRUPTED sa hace LP 1400 yen. wow the prices have really come down for represses of this. this used to be a $80 record
ENNIO MORRICONE once upon a time LP 400 Yen. ALLTIME best cover for ALLTIME best western



FISHBONE give a monkey LP 1700 yen. another reacquistion of a record I thickly sold
FISHBONE party at ground zero 12" 500 yen. and another
FISTULA/COME TO GRIEF 7" 600 yen. doom metal murder
FLOOR heather 7" 500 yen. steamroller doom knuckle drag
FUDGE TUNNEL in a word 7" 100 yen. not all that
GARY NUMAN telekon LP 400. another reacquisition,
GORDON SOLIE MOTHERFUCKERS power bomb 10" 400 yen. YESSS! I have it back. Another regretted sale from back in the day
GREENMACHINE 10" 1000 yen. fffffuckk
GREENMACHINE/THUG 7" 300 yen woaahhhh this was a fun score
HIS HERO IS GONE monuments LP 1000 yen. more reacqs
JOHN FOXX 2x7" 100 yen. not good
JOHN FOXX 2x7" 100 yen. ffs this aint no Metamatic
KATE BUSH dreaming 600. always thought this one was after she'd "lost it" but its fairly nifty
KATE BUSH hounds LP. godhead
LAZY COWGIRLS frustration 7" 400 YEN
LAZY COWGIRLS jungle song 7" 400 YEN. godhead garage
LES THUGS chess 7" 500 yen. only decent thing to ever come from France
MERCURY REV everlasting arm 12" 100 yen. reacq
NEIL YOUNG zuma LP 600. still kicking myself for selling my j-pressing. This'll do me.
OHIO PLAYERS smoke 7. so good
URINALS another ep 7" 400 yen. yesssss!
VAZ demonstrations 600 yen. total eureka moment, been looking for some vinyl by these ex-hammerhead amrep guys for yonks
WAR live 2xLP 500 yen
V/A TUATARA LP 300 yen srsly my jaw dropped when I found this Flying Nun comp to supplant my cd version. had always thought this was a $100 unicorn. turns out it was reissued a couple of times and is quite affordable on discogs
12
Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire
« on: February 12, 2019, 02:21:18 AM »
Nuremburg Barbie Picks Up New Sponsor.

--NY Times--

The Special Counselor to President Trump, Dr Nuremburg Barbie, has today confirmed that her new sponsor is agrochemical giant Monsanto.



"Yes, I can indeed confirm that I do have a sponsorship deal with Monsanto. They reverse-engineered a fertiliser that once I spray it all up and down my birth hatch enables me to grow incredibly long pubes. Then, once the pubus memoralis reach the required length, they can be harvested and reappropriated on top of President Trump's head" stated the Special Counsel. "Yes, I can confirm that President Trump's hair is already comprised mostly of my pubes. I would say about 98% of current growth. No further comment. No, 'Monsanto' is not a Mexican word. You must be thinking of the word 'mosquito'. That is a Mexican word. No further comment. Mattel? What has Mattel got to do with it? Yes, I am paid handsomely for my contribution to world head piece. No, President Trump and I do not jokingly call his hair 'the Tijuana Twat Tassles' for a laugh. No further comment. No, we don't call it the Taco Trump Tower Triffids either. No, there are no side effects to the fertiliser. I just have foot-long pubes that's all."

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Non Lit / Re: Last Music Acquisitions/Cost/Shit/Shinola
« on: February 10, 2019, 04:29:41 PM »
went postal at the seppo wholesalers. "Great Rates Discount", ffs, yeah right, add on $7 shipping for each record and I am buttfucked to hell. NO FUCKEN MORE this year. I will listen to ONE of these records a month and make them last the whole year.

AUSTERITY PROGRAM - BEYOND CALCULATION LP $14.25 munty tone is a must
BLIND SHAKE - SERIOUSNESS LP $8.50 fahhk I love this garage surf munt
HOT SNAKES - JERICHO SIRENS LP $16.25 was skeptical if they still had it. They still have it. The sonarific dogthrum bass that weaves in and out is deeply fucken soothing
ISIS: THE MOSQUITO CONTROL 12" $16.50 moronically sold the OG. just had to nab the repress
THEE OH SEES - MUTILATOR DEFEATED AT LAST LP $12.75 never heard before, just thought they were more of that hipster indie darling bollocks. REALLY rooting this though. Is this the Can/Amon Duul for this generation? Sounds just like those kraut kunts
SUGAR - COPPER BLUE/BEASTER 2xLP 17.00. put JC Auto straight on expecting to get my mind blown, kind of bummed. It's just an undynamic hi-pitch squall. I am certain my old tape version of Beaster sounded way the fuck better than this
SUMAC - THE DEAL 2xLP $21.50 dunno if the creative jazzy drumming suits their ISIS thing. maybe I jsut have to get used to it
SUMAC - LOVE IN SHADOW 2xLP $17.00 rooting this new one way more
NEIL YOUNG - HITCHHIKER LP $15 ffs, recorded in 1975, how did this not see the light of day till now. all acoustic, so good
ELECTRIC WIZARD - LET US PREY 2xLP $26.25 not the corrosive subterranean murderplow tone of Dopethrone and Come My Fanatics but still the business here

15
Non Lit / Re: Garden Shed
« on: February 09, 2019, 07:57:21 PM »



"Log off that highly addictive dog-rooting website for five fucking minutes and GET FUCKING BLOGGING, you deadbeat millenial shithead!"



Writing captivating headlines is an art and a necessity.

Follow these tips for more powerful headlines.

Seven Ways to Write Titles That Stand Out:

1. Use the words "dog" and "porn" or any combination thereof in the fucken headline.

2. Use "Seven Ways To..." in the fucken headline. That thing is clickbait mania.

3. Use "Seven Ways To..." in the headline in tandem with the words "dog" AND "porn". You'll break the fucking internet.

4. use a FUCKING HUGE font size

5. change colours abruptly

6. #7




"Wow, those dogs are really going at it!"


Get a Custom Gunston Domain for Your Website

When you upgrade your WordPress.com.gunston Plan, you get a FREE uber ride in the back of Trev's ute to ANYWHERE in the greater Wollongong area!*

conditions apply*

*must be raining.


Upgrade your plan NOW, you hopeless fuckwit!



Gunston Blogging PROTIP: A Foreign Cunt Spotlight:

A "Foreign Cunt Spotlight" is a great way to blog about those different looking wankers you might occasionally see walking about the fucken place looking like lost fucken foreign drongos.


Talk to a foreigner while touching them at the same time. It breaks the ice and makes them feel wanted. Who knows, you might get a root and finally have something to fucken blog about. They don't all have nits you know, you racist fuckwit.



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