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1   Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wireon February 12, 2019, 02:21:18 AM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Nuremburg Barbie Picks Up New Sponsor.

--NY Times--

The Special Counselor to President Trump, Dr Nuremburg Barbie, has today confirmed that her new sponsor is agrochemical giant Monsanto.

"Yes, I can indeed confirm that I do have a sponsorship deal with Monsanto. They reverse-engineered a fertiliser that once I spray it all up and down my birth hatch enables me to grow incredibly long pubes. Then, once the pubus memoralis reach the required length, they can be harvested and reappropriated on top of President Trump's head" stated the Special Counsel. "Yes, I can confirm that President Trump's hair is already comprised mostly of my pubes. I would say about 98% of current growth. No further comment. No, 'Monsanto' is not a Mexican word. You must be thinking of the word 'mosquito'. That is a Mexican word. No further comment. Mattel? What has Mattel got to do with it? Yes, I am paid handsomely for my contribution to world head piece. No, President Trump and I do not jokingly call his hair 'the Tijuana Twat Tassles' for a laugh. No further comment. No, we don't call it the Taco Trump Tower Triffids either. No, there are no side effects to the fertiliser. I just have foot-long pubes that's all."

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

3   Non Lit / Re: Last Music Acquisitions/Cost/Shit/Shinolaon February 10, 2019, 04:29:41 PM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

went postal at the seppo wholesalers. "Great Rates Discount", ffs, yeah right, add on $7 shipping for each record and I am buttfucked to hell. NO FUCKEN MORE this year. I will listen to ONE of these records a month and make them last the whole year.

BLIND SHAKE - SERIOUSNESS LP $8.50 fahhk I love this garage surf munt
HOT SNAKES - JERICHO SIRENS LP $16.25 was skeptical if they still had it. They still have it. The sonarific dogthrum bass that weaves in and out is deeply fucken soothing
ISIS: THE MOSQUITO CONTROL 12" $16.50 moronically sold the OG. just had to nab the repress
THEE OH SEES - MUTILATOR DEFEATED AT LAST LP $12.75 never heard before, just thought they were more of that hipster indie darling bollocks. REALLY rooting this though. Is this the Can/Amon Duul for this generation? Sounds just like those kraut kunts
SUGAR - COPPER BLUE/BEASTER 2xLP 17.00. put JC Auto straight on expecting to get my mind blown, kind of bummed. It's just an undynamic hi-pitch squall. I am certain my old tape version of Beaster sounded way the fuck better than this
SUMAC - THE DEAL 2xLP $21.50 dunno if the creative jazzy drumming suits their ISIS thing. maybe I jsut have to get used to it
SUMAC - LOVE IN SHADOW 2xLP $17.00 rooting this new one way more
NEIL YOUNG - HITCHHIKER LP $15 ffs, recorded in 1975, how did this not see the light of day till now. all acoustic, so good
ELECTRIC WIZARD - LET US PREY 2xLP $26.25 not the corrosive subterranean murderplow tone of Dopethrone and Come My Fanatics but still the business here

4   Non Lit / Re: Garden Shedon February 09, 2019, 07:57:21 PM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

"Log off that highly addictive dog-rooting website for five fucking minutes and GET FUCKING BLOGGING, you deadbeat millenial shithead!"

Writing captivating headlines is an art and a necessity.

Follow these tips for more powerful headlines.

Seven Ways to Write Titles That Stand Out:

1. Use the words "dog" and "porn" or any combination thereof in the fucken headline.

2. Use "Seven Ways To..." in the fucken headline. That thing is clickbait mania.

3. Use "Seven Ways To..." in the headline in tandem with the words "dog" AND "porn". You'll break the fucking internet.

4. use a FUCKING HUGE font size

5. change colours abruptly

6. #7

"Wow, those dogs are really going at it!"

Get a Custom Gunston Domain for Your Website

When you upgrade your Plan, you get a FREE uber ride in the back of Trev's ute to ANYWHERE in the greater Wollongong area!*

conditions apply*

*must be raining.

Upgrade your plan NOW, you hopeless fuckwit!

Gunston Blogging PROTIP: A Foreign Cunt Spotlight:

A "Foreign Cunt Spotlight" is a great way to blog about those different looking wankers you might occasionally see walking about the fucken place looking like lost fucken foreign drongos.

Talk to a foreigner while touching them at the same time. It breaks the ice and makes them feel wanted. Who knows, you might get a root and finally have something to fucken blog about. They don't all have nits you know, you racist fuckwit.

5   Non Lit / Re: What movies have you viewed recently?on February 08, 2019, 04:11:56 PM

Started by manuelmarrero - Last post by Sprague Dawley

The Accountant (2016)

The Japanese title is "The Consultant."

wft is the difference you anal little cunts.

SPOILERRR Ben Affleck the Batman stars in this one as an autistic uber-nerd accountant. Then, halfway through the film, it is revealed that, hello, Batpants has another skillset. He can also fight like John Rambo and Bruce Lee long-playing 33's going around at 45 fucking rpm. He shoots no less than 68 people directly in the face in this film. With a silencer. For stealth. Not bad for 2 hours work from a bean counter. Arnie would've said "Bill me" with perfect timing as the Cavean query mark of cordite wafts up from Corpse #69.

Body count was off the charts here, especially considering as for the first hour BatBen was mild-mannered Bruce Wayne, the aspergers klutz. Felt like an ethnography watching Batbutt and the chick, the gorgeous athletic popular people, pantomiming as autistic and awkward losers. Ching, ching motherfuckers!

51% on RT.

I enjoyed it though. It went shooty shooty interspersed with spells of BatBeany forgetting he had crippling aspergers and was actually a brazenly-confident & fearless murdering machine, shooting baddies in the nutsacks with the motherfucking anti-aircraft gun he'd rigged up in his garage. "Accounting 101, baby" Arnie would've said, chomping down on his cigar as he prepares to mulch an entire yard of home intruders into blood and bone compost. I could write this shit.

All set up for a franchise as BattyBoy drove off into the sunset. 51% on RT might be a hard sell to the studio execs on that front though.

6   Non Lit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wireon February 07, 2019, 09:43:06 PM

Started by Sprague Dawley - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Mccaw On The Run

--NZ Herald--

Recent father and retired All Black legend Sir Richie Mccaw is reportedly on the run from the "volcanic terror" of home life with a newborn baby and has joined up with a cross-country race despite having not registered to enter the race.

"Yeah, I wasn't entered in the race" confirmed the All Black great "but the ruckus at home emanating from that new little demon thing that turned up recently, mate, I just snapped. I sprinted headlong from the house, grabbed the first race entrant I cound find, pleadingly swapped my 100th All Black cap and centurion test jersey for the blokes grotty running togs, t-shirt and race bib and here I am."

All Black legend and reluctant father Sir Richie Mccaw, seen here sprinting
over water "so the child will lose the scent", in a panicked attempt to flee
the shrieking terror of home life.

7   Non Lit / Re: Interview with Huma Abedinon February 06, 2019, 04:27:54 PM

Started by Michael Goodcock - Last post by Sprague Dawley

the vile MMS.

Actually, all joking aside, I don't even know what "MMS" is. I just had my photobucket open on another browser and thought I'd dump that slickly responsive GIF in there.

8   Lit / Re: Here goes nothing...on February 06, 2019, 04:20:55 PM

Started by Hoog - Last post by Sprague Dawley

he was of the Lineage of the Goldings, therefore was he called Bartholomew Golden, and his son Golden Walter.
this is like the birth of the House Gunston

as thou wottest

9   Lit / Re: As a writer, do you ever want to just quit sometimes?on February 06, 2019, 04:10:43 PM

Started by Hoog - Last post by Sprague Dawley

Quality pole.

Democratic and yet autocratic.

Therefore, a well-balanced pole.

Voting closes: June 23, 2046, 01:09:25 PM

You can have your laughs but I WILL be checking in as we get closer to the scheduled date. In fact, I am already getting a wee bit excited to see how this one pans out. 20146 is so far away damnit! Luckily, polling closes at 1:09 in the afternoon so I won't have to set my alarm clock to get up in the middle of the night for the big countdown. GAHHH but what about the time difference?? I haven't facotred that in yet. Now I have to swot up on Greenwich meridian.

To all the writers (I am not one); may your $20 words be forever ripe in the bosom of your mind womb.

10   Lit / As a writer, do you ever want to just quit sometimes?on February 06, 2019, 01:09:25 PM

Started by Hoog - Last post by Hoog

Any of you guys ever just wanna hang it up?
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