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Sprague Dawley

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Garden Shed
« on: May 12, 2018, 05:45:33 PM »

United States of America Civil Defence Brochure

Dial L for Switzerland.

Verse 5:12 in the Bible?

What is it?

Oops, too slow, radiation on the cock, oh shi

ALWAYS wash your hands thoroughly
before dialling "L" for Switzerland.

A car aerial this large will alert terrorists as to your
whereabouts within seconds. Jesus. Just use a
fucken coat hangar like everyone else.

In the event of biological agents stripping your face of it's features
 and causing your body to grow to grotesque proportions:

1. Proceed indoors in a calm, orderly fashion (mind your head.)

2. Stay there, out of public view.

3. Await further instructions, ELEPHANT MAN.

"Yeahhh, might get that as a cool new tattoo around my bumhole."

Meanwhile, all the fish are dying from radiation poisoning.

In the event of a terrorist attack, quickly throttle yourself.
Ignore the colors and move briskly towards the light.

This is an " interactive" diagram.

1. Turn on your computer speakers.

2. Press your nose close to the diagram.

3. Smell anything?

Back up, Beaker.

In the time you have wasted reading this, a lethal nerve gas has infiltrated your computer whilst Agent Orange (above, centre) has incapacitated your family and loved ones in the other room.

Nice one, NOAM.

As the biological agents take effect and you grow to monstrous
size, remember to DUCK AND ROLL, concealing your face as your
 appearance becomes increasingly hideous.

Keep your head out of the clouds.
Terrorists exploit overconfidence.

Ignore exits with oversized red arrows partially jammed in the door.


Don't be a hero.
As you cower and stave off the inevitable, you
may as well attempt to fellate yourself one last time.

Ignore the hand and the arrows.
Why is the door elevated? Are you at sea?
Where did you wake up this morning? THINK.

To thwart the terrorist, one must think like the terrorist.

Memorise elaborate escape routes.

2 days after exposure to radiation your body is longer than two entire city blocks.

Forget "Elephant Man". Head straight to Roswell.

Give my regards to Broadway, Roswell.

Start spreading the news.

Argument with the spouse?
Let it go.
File it away.
Then cometh the hour, calmly proceed to your
basement fallout shelter and lock that bitch out.


Which one DAMNIT, which ONE?

There are no wires.

In your haste you have misinterpreted the diagram.


In the event of a terrorist attack you have roughly 10 minutes to sell
all of your shit and head straight to Switzerland (see following diagram)

« Last Edit: July 22, 2018, 06:31:48 PM by Sprague Dawley »
"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."

Sprague Dawley

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Re: Garden Shed
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2018, 04:53:01 AM »

How to register an account at...
The Expat Press Forums.


- by Xavier "X-Man" Jones.
(Expat Press Staff Tech Support)

Hello, thick wankers.

Have you just failed an internet-record 703 attempts at guessing the "capcha" in order to register your fuckhead self a shitty forlorn account at the completely fuckin' empty Expat Press forums?


I designed the capcha specifically to keep ugly wankers like you OUT of the fucken forum.


However, if you are desperate to join, here is how to do it.

I built the registration hay wire myself so can safely vouch for this, the ONLY route of finally getting your shitty black wog spic racist cunt self registered at the forii generalis.

First, for the capcha, depress the F3 and Caps Lock/Prt Scr keys simultaneously for 20 minutes, this will eventually pull up the file diagrammed below.

Once you have the file up, simply follow this self-explanatory pathway until you get to "Rest of Brain":

Stupid cunt.

So sick of explaining this basic shit to you newbie wankers.

Next, press F9/S2/alt/porn very gently to enact automatic internet level calibration protocols.

For example, here's mine:

Next up, those tricky registration questions. Who wrote The King in Yellow? Who wrote Mount Analogue? Who gives a fucken shit! You've got better things to do than traipsing around google searching for some old fuckhead hippie wanker book that no cunt likes.

Bypass that horseshit by typing in F7 with Alt/Tab/Proxy, that should bring up the file below, execute and validate, which should prompt the greek code decoder which will decrypt those fucking book authors names that no cunt has ever heard of.

Let the programme run for a week or two, that should do it.

By Day 3 you should be at the stage diagrammed above.

Next phase, colour-key-F6/Y6#hashtag to retrieve your Message Board Tone Analysis Predicator.

Here's mine:

This will automatically lead you to the next stage, your Registration Greek Distributor Cap Phaser:

Obviously you just type in "E3" here.

Stupid newbie cunt.

Next, set AH228 Tab Hashtag E2 parameters via Linux for your paramafied Forii Member Breakdown Analysis Adjudicator.

Here's mine:

Finally, specify H2/F9/Ctrl to abbrogrify your Internet Activity Breakdown paramafication.

Here's mine:

Hey presto!

Welcome to the forum!

Time to get your cunt on!

"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."

Sprague Dawley

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Re: Garden Shed
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2018, 02:37:26 AM »

Japan LDP Stonemason's Bukkake Summit

Greetings, Ministers.

Yuko Tojo here.

Granddaughter of your great compatriot, statesman, fallen leader and national hero, the immortal, the great, Dr General Tojo. R.I.P.

Profile of my grandfather's arse.

My niggers and assorted motherfuckers, if you are reading this, then it is ALL FUCKING ON.


Yes, YOU are on the mailing list for this year's Liberal Democratic Party Stonemason's Bukkake Summit. I will be working the door this year. And this year's edition promises to be the best one ever! Maybe even better than the legendary 2013 Summit!


Who could forget the timeless spectacle of the entire cabinet emerging from 3 days of hectic cum depositing all over some wretched little vagrant slut.... and every one of the ministers emerging wearing hastily-procured trousers due to the massive fire hose deluge of sperm stainage blotched all over their best strides? WHO?

"Well then... this is awkward......"

Anyway, here is the Official List of this years invitees and if you're not on this list then holy shit motherfucker, you should not even be reading this.

Shinzo Abe
Prime Minister

Doing great work for the nation. He is now so very, very close to altering the pathetic limpdick National Constitution that forbids We Japanese from bearing arms.

Any day now we can FINALLY resume the push through Manchuria and beyond, to claim back our rightful motherfucking colonies from the cross-eyed gookisphere.

Taro Aso
Minister of Grot Mags and Entire Grot Portfolio.

Taro might not know how to read or write but he knows how to man the pump.

The Man Pump!



Legendary shot above of Koizumi leaving the 2008 Summit wearing a change of pants after his main suit strides were irrepairably stained with what was believed to be in excess of 75 litres of cum silo spermage.

Koizumi is old as shit now but I reckon there's still some tartare dicksnot left in the old faucet!

Minister of ?

Who is this shady cunt? I'm fucked if I know. Still, he must be doing something right if he's on this list. Come on down Kono, Minister of fuck-knows-what, and enjoy 3 days of leisurely beating off all over some starlet's tits. All on the taxpayers dime.

Minister of Tea and Photocopies.

HOLY SHIT. It's this years chick. Even I'm getting randy. THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. WE MIGHT HAVE TO ADD A 4TH DAY. Wheel in the Iron Lung goddamnit cos this bitch is going to need it.

Minister of Nationalism.

The Governor. He brought the Olympics to Tokyo and let me tell you, next weekend there is going to be some Olympian wanking going on all over the tea lady's hair, her teeth, her funbags, face, eyelids, gruds and neck. A decathlon of dick. A repecharge of rape. A velodrome of vag. A peloton of prepuce. A snatch and jerk of, uh, snatch and jerk. A pentathlon of penii.

Nuremberg Barbie.
Special Guest!

Don't worry, she will of course NOT be permitted entrance into the main Bukkake Amphitheatre. Only one chick at a time in the Theatre of Dreams, obviously. We don't want two childish little slags getting together and forming a fucken trade union or some shit.

Nuremberg Barbie will be working the main lobby. Stiffy killer you say? Did I neglect to mention that she will be decked out in FULL Nazi regalia? Tojo todgers at full-mast baby!

Bruce Saint
Australian Envoy in Tokyo.

"Yeah mate ya got any little kids coming to this shindig? Asking for a fucken friend cunt."

Minister of Financial Improprieties.

The dark horse. The shadow boss. The Kumstain Kingpin. He's been running the country since Nuremburg Barbie was gargling candied cocks down by the docks after dark on school nights.

General Tojo's mummified corpse.

My grandfather.


The load-shooting is going to be epic.

I hope gramps casket came with a mummified brolly cos' it's going to be raining spunk!

Ex-Prime Minister.

Now aged 100. Holy shit. Might have to wheel in Nuremberg Barbie for this one.

Anywho, that's the whole list of invitees.

No need to bring a plate.

Just cock.

-Yuko Tojo.

"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."

Sprague Dawley

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Re: Garden Shed
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2019, 03:10:18 AM »

New **COMPULSORY** Japanese Citizenship Test for all you gaijin:

"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."


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Re: Garden Shed
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2019, 07:16:00 AM »

I resent being called a monkey.