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Author Topic: Interview with Huma Abedin  (Read 980 times)

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Michael Goodcock

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Interview with Huma Abedin
« on: September 01, 2018, 07:41:12 AM »

On the day of the Clinton concession, I ran into Hillary's campaign vice chair Huma Abedin. As you will recall Huma was married to eponymous electronic dick flasher Anthony Weiner. I was drinking cheap whiskey at a bar on Broadway when I noticed a distracted Abedin sitting at the other end of the bar finger-frigging her cell phone. I ratcheted my suit pants up over my belly and ambled on over.

This interview has been lightly edited for clarity and a certain drunken come-on strategy that I have since removed from my otherwise foolproof arsenal of ho-bedding techniques.


MG: Commiserations on the result today.

HA: Oh I know, it's such a nightmare. We still can't believe it.

MG: What lessons do you think you can learn from the campaign?

HA: Just let me retweet this... OMG that's hilarious... Campaign? We've still got a long ways to go before we shatter that highest, hardest ceiling.

MG: What went wrong in the mid-west, in your opinion?

HA: Oh you mean the deplorables? Well, it turns out they voted for Trump. Like lots of them.

MG: Why didn't your team see that coming?

HA: Hold on, I'm checking my Facebook. Is that really a size 6? LOL! The polls were clearly telling us we were pretty safe in those states. Barack Obama won those states easily.

MG: But the polls were wrong.

HA: Yeah well that's not what they were telling us.

MG: But they were wrong, weren't they?

HA: Not the polls that we were using, OK?

MG: How did Hillary take the defeat?

HA: Size 7 - I totally nailed it! Well first she had to write her concession speech so that took most of the night. Then she and Bill had to go out and buy their matching concession outfits, so there was the morning gone. Oh, and I had to cancel the fireworks and the champagne, and tell Beyonce and Jay Z not to come to the party. It was pretty hectic.

MG: So you were pretty confident of victory, then?

HA: Have you seen this on Instagram? Khloe is like so uncool now. Confident? Well yeah! Like who thought otherwise? Mike Pence hadn't even written a victory speech. But four million dollars in wasted champagne... I guess it's not like the Clintons can't afford it...

MG: What sort of a president will Donald Trump make?

HA: He's not my president, OK? He'll be misogynist, he hates immigrants including his wife, he'll be so busy grabbing pussies in the Oval Office and around Washington... Eew! He'll be a disaster. It's exactly this kind of white male privilege that Hillary's been warning us about.

MG: Yet the exit polls tell us that 53% of white women voted for Trump. How do you explain that?

HA: Who listens to polls anyway? Wait, my friends keep Snapchatting me from the JLo concert... totally sucks to be me stuck here. I mean, look, it should have been Hillary's turn. We had an African American, then Hillary shattering the glass ceiling, then maybe a Muslim, then a black woman, then a Latino or an LGBTIQ, I forget which. That's the way it was supposed to work. I just feel so sorry for her...

MG: Do you think Hillary will run again in 2020?

HA: We're really fired up about Michelle Obama right now. She just like totally gets it. And she would be a woman AND black. Is she Muslim too? And imagine if she was gay! I can't wait for the focus groups!

MG: Secretary Clinton said in her concession speech that we owe Donald Trump an open mind. Are you willing to do that?

HA: Hold on, I'm just messaging my Tinder date for tonight... Open mind? Are you a Trump supporter? You want me to keep an open mind to the man who crushed the dreams of little girls all around the country? Well fuck that. No.

MG: Huma thanks for your time tonight.

HA: Oh here's my Uber. Gotta run.


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Sprague Dawley

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Re: Interview with Huma Abedin
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2018, 04:16:33 PM »

Sounds legit to me.

Here's hoping Mike has a brother named Saul.
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Sprague Dawley

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Re: Interview with Huma Abedin
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2019, 08:04:23 PM »

wish we could get Goodcock back here to transcribe this "State Of The Union" address. had never seen one before, flat out lmfaq
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"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."
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Hoog

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Re: Interview with Huma Abedin
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2019, 01:06:22 PM »

wish we could get Goodcock back here to transcribe this "State Of The Union" address. had never seen one before, flat out lmfaq

I think his interpretation would be so much more welcome and accurate than that of the vile MMS.
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Sprague Dawley

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Re: Interview with Huma Abedin
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2019, 04:27:54 PM »

the vile MMS.
















Actually, all joking aside, I don't even know what "MMS" is. I just had my photobucket open on another browser and thought I'd dump that slickly responsive GIF in there.
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"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."
-K.Vonnegut