Twitter

[Sprague Dawley]

Two votes each in this high quality pole

slowly coming to grips with twitter. Can now see why everyone abandoned the foriisphere in its favour. Although for twitter megastars like, say, Manny, following 1500 people, I'm curious what that would look like in their twatfeed?
1500 people tweeting, wouldnt that be a new tweet every 3 damn seconds? Surely it can't all be interesting? Wouldnt it just be about 1400 people fucking you off on a nearly daily basis? I only follow 5 pricks and that seems to be enough.
Especially when they retweet stuff I give NO FUCKS about and I'm sorely tempted to "unfollow" the cunts. Would this be rude?

Everyone says "oh, twitter, it's a seething cesspool". Yet it seems quite friendly to me. No one's had a crack at me yet. Anyone can just tweet after one of my tweets and call me a raging fuckwit, is that right?

Still mystified how people find shit. eg a pal pointed out that the ONLY person to "like" this post of mine is a "Slim Jim Phantom" who he assures me is a famous person (no idea who he is)

https://twitter.com/sapporo_records/status/993728332834340864

so how did the famous rockabilly guy find a tiny little doom metal post from someone with a tiny clutch of "followers"?

anyway, dump your twitter handles here, you hopeless wankers. I am https://twitter.com/Dismal_Pillock

[manuelmarrero]

No idea how I started following 1500 people. Must've been trigger happy in 2012 or something. Been slowly purging my follows, which I recommend.

Some people will get offended if you unfollow them when they follow you. The platform has options to mute a user, specific words, etc. It's easy enough to
personalize without offending anyone.

Not a fan of Twitter's oversight. Daft and often inexplicable the users they do and don't flag, shadowban, ban, whatever.

It's an alright place but I voted Fuck Twitter just to be safe.

[manuelmarrero]

Another thing. You have to tease the algo by smashing that like button. It’ll then bump your more frequently liked users to the top of your feed.

[Sprague Dawley]

You have to tease the algo by smashing that like button. It’ll then bump your more frequently liked users to the top of your feed.

This is so mysterious. Will have to incorporate it into my "How To Use Twitter" wikihow entry. Written by Zuckerberg, naturally.

one other thing, I am guessing there is an etiquette regarding gaps between posting tweets? I have 4,000 odd pics in the photobucket hull I'm ready to exxon valdez all over the Cape of Good Cock coastline but am unsure of oil derrick capping protocols in the area..

[manuelmarrero]

one other thing, I am guessing there is an etiquette regarding gaps between posting tweets? I have 4,000 odd pics in the photobucket hull I'm ready to exxon valdez all over the Cape of Good Cock coastline but am unsure of oil derrick capping protocols in the area..

I believe this would be termed a "tweetstorm."

[manuelmarrero]

Also twitter uses a variable reward system for your notifications and mentions. On another mysterious note.

[Sprague Dawley]

A Quick Guide To Using Twitter

--by Mark Zuckerberg


"Remember I was vapour.
"Remember I was just like you."

HI GUYS.
 
Zuck here.

Just ingested a composite grain and dairy-based concentrate via oral manifold intake-slot, thus fulfilling prescribed daily post-dawn nutrition download. Or, in your words, "I ate breakfast through my mouth."

Anyway, all mundane life-simulation functionaries aside, here is a brief primer on how to use twitter.

Fill Out the Sign Up Form on Twitter's Home Page With ALL Of Your Personal Private Information.

I cannot stress enough how imperative it is that you give us I mean them ALL of your personal and private information. It makes the job of the V2 algo harvest cylons so much easier. Or so I've heard.

First, go to www.twitter.com and sign up entering your real name, real email address, real phone number and any other real information you can think of. Real blood type, real favourite cereal, real social security number. Everything. The more you tell us I mean tell them the more popular and therefore happier you will be. That's basic twitter 101.

After filling out your name, email, password, blood type, phone number, dick size, preferred tampon brand, shoe size, 1st alternate dick size, bumhole radius, then you can click on "Sign Up." We now have all your information. Thanks. I can't believe it was so easy. Again.


"Heyyy, finally tracked you down, thanks for signing up to twitter earlier today. Say, just briefly, you seem to have neglected to enter your dick size in any of the relevant fields? Just an oversight I'm sure. Soooo if we could have that rectified that'd be great. In inches would be fine. Doesn't have to be now. Unless you're not too busy right now? Hey, I bet we're in double digits down there, eh, eh? COCK OUT NOW PLEASE, MANDINGO FREAK."

Choose Your Twitter Username;

It's crucial you give Twitter your real name because Twitter is all about real people. Like me. I'm a real person. How could I not be? Haha! Ha.
Real name. Do not deviate from this most basic tenet of twitter. It makes it so much easier for the Daewoo algo G-7 profile protocol generators to binarize your portfolio. Or so I've heard.

Look at me, I signed up with my real name!



Except for the "finkd" part, which is kind of my pseudonym.

Fill Out Your Profile

Your next step should be to fill out your personal profile in great detail. In great, great, GREAT detail, so we, I mean they, can tailor your internet experience to best meet your needs.

All the shit you buy, toothpaste brands, cereal brands, all that fascinating stuff that advertisors, I mean, twitter followers, love to read about, yeah, fill all that shit in, only a dumb fuck wouldn't. Also specify your country, your city, and, oh what the hell, your mailing address. We I mean twitter PROMISE they won't use any of this information for anything involving 3rd party sales to advertisers, Russians, or any combination thereof.

Next, upload a full-face picture of yourself, preferably front-on as this aids the biometric analytica scanners in compiling an accurate file on oh shit never mind.

Send Your First Tweet!

This is what a tweet looks like.



It's all so fascinating and exciting and interesting.

Thanks for your details I mean I hope these details assist you in your tweeting adventure.



 Your pal,

-Zuck.


"OK, now focus on the tiny white dot
and start counting backwards from 100..."

[Sprague Dawley]

curious now, when I tweet out a link to a bollox news story here, from my Gunston account, with 8 followers, suddenly there's 6 people online. From my Dawley twit account, suddenly 15 online. What would happen if say, a Manners tweeted out a link to here with his beyoncesque 800 followers? System Overload! Or are they just bots following the hive scent?

[manuelmarrero]

curious now, when I tweet out a link to a bollox news story here, from my Gunston account, with 8 followers, suddenly there's 6 people online. From my Dawley twit account, suddenly 15 online. What would happen if say, a Manners tweeted out a link to here with his beyoncesque 800 followers? System Overload! Or are they just bots following the hive scent?

There, I’ve fixed it so that everything I post and retweet is phenomenally popular. Just some malignant code in the gizzards but I pulled em out root and stem. Should just be a few minutes now before Beyoncé is lapping up Wollongolong.

[Sprague Dawley]

Should just be a few minutes now before Beyoncé is lapping up Wollongolong.

Knew it would come to that one day. Cashed-up slag could provide stiff compettiion for Elle's Armpit Bay. https://expatpress.com/forums/index.php?topic=226.msg373#msg373

[Sprague Dawley]

Manners in the shit on twatter. His constituents are enraged at him. Fuck knows why.

I have been thinking recently (don't laugh) that these days it is FUCKING HARD to have fun online.

You're always walking on eggshells. There's ALWAYS some sort who will get enraged at your jibe.

"You right wing cunt. I hate you."
"You commie fucking libtard. I hate YOU."

[manuelmarrero]

Manners in the shit on twatter. His constituents are enraged at him. Fuck knows why.

I have been thinking recently (don't laugh) that these days it is FUCKING HARD to have fun online.

You're always walking on eggshells. There's ALWAYS some sort who will get enraged at your jibe.

"You right wing cunt. I hate you."
"You commie fucking libtard. I hate YOU."

I don’t even think what I said was that bad. Bibles has said much sicker shit. That guy declares himself a Nazi and a pedophile, tweets about molesting his child and no one bats an eye.

Women are canceled.

[Sprague Dawley]

Sanctimony. From afar, it now seems to be the primary driver of the free west. Outrage. Spittle. Condemnation! I am offended! So very, very offended! Yet, if you have a pry into the twatlines or facefeeds or whatever of these mortally-offended righteous fuckwits you could probably dig up some moral improprieties no fucken probs. Sanctimony on twitter? That's like shrieking to the rafters about someone's smelly farts as you stroll through the local fucken abattoir.

Before hitching their little remonstration cabooses to the Sanctimony Express, departing from all points of interest here, here, here and here, those PC woke SJW sorts better have their closets in order. You can see half of fucken Narnia from the back of mine so no fucken judgment from this end.

[Sprague Dawley]

Fuck Twitter.

Struggling to have fun with it.

Just seems so fleeting. You hammer out some shit then next day you start again, your previous endeavors having been washed out with the tide.

The forii has threads that you can come back to fucken YEARS later and pick up right where some cunt left off. So great.

One weird wrinkle on twitter is you can absolutely tailor it so you can be part of ANYTHING. Almost curious to do a weeklong experiment where I unfollow my 9 cunts then follow, say, 100 randos from some sphere, the crocheting tweeters collective, or the #saferLit wiener patrol, or the chattanooga climate change deniers cabal, or some other fuckers, I dunno.

[manuelmarrero]

Fuck Twitter.

Struggling to have fun with it.

Just seems so fleeting. You hammer out some shit then next day you start again, your previous endeavors having been washed out with the tide.

The forii has threads that you can come back to fucken YEARS later and pick up right where some cunt left off. So great.

One weird wrinkle on twitter is you can absolutely tailor it so you can be part of ANYTHING. Almost curious to do a weeklong experiment where I unfollow my 9 cunts then follow, say, 100 randos from some sphere, the crocheting tweeters collective, or the #saferLit wiener patrol, or the chattanooga climate change deniers cabal, or some other fuckers, I dunno.

The difference between twitter and other social media is on twitter you’re actually famous not just pretending to be.

You’re welcome.