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Sports are

far beneath my lofty literary station
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- 2 (28.6%)
a waste of time, yet time that I consider enjoyably wasted
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lawn croquet at a push
- 0 (0%)
i am an unco incel, get this Chad-in-shortpants shit out of my grill
- 1 (14.3%)

Total Members Voted: 3

Author Topic: Sports  (Read 1383 times)

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Sprague Dawley

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« on: September 10, 2018, 06:27:01 AM »


So golfing handicap IQ Serena Williams has divided the blogosphere with her divatic mentally-handicapped abusive tirade at some poor fuckwit umpire.

The sepposphere says "men get preferential treatment". The entire rest of the foriisphere say "she's a mental midget who packed a strop at the first sign of losing, just like the 2 other times when the chick at the other end of the court actually hit the fucker back to her more than 4 times in a fucken row."

She's no toastmaster in the interlocution stakes thats for sure.
"I've never cheated, I have a child and I stand for what's right!"
"Oh, sorry, excuse me, did you say you have a CHILD? Well, infraction retracted then, a child changes EVERYTHING! NEVER let it be thought that I, a match umpire would not think of the children. Let us resume the match then you stark-raving mad cheating sea-cow heifer in a tutu."

The victory ceremony, ffs, forgot how thick the seppos like to lay it on, an overwrought cockwrench of overly sentimental string-tugging self-serving saccharine bleating, saluting and doing my doodie and doing my jahhb and protecting my family from my doodie and it's my doodie to do my jahhb just doing my jahhb oh fuck off. Williams tearfully implores to the crowd that "we'll get through this" while the winner of the US Open, the hated foreign interloper, stands there right next her crying thru the boos waiting to collect her fucken silverware.

Really though, quick root around the seppo blog comments sections and bit surprised to see it's about 80% vilifying Williams/taking the piss out of her, esp. with the "daughter" thing and just a minority trumpeting the "oh this is sexist against wimmin players" crap. Kind of unbelievable the womens winner gets exactly the same as mens, 3.8 mill. Yet their final was over in 80 mins. Thats sometimes just the length of the 1st set of 5 for the men ffs.

The part I don't get is the slagging the ump is getting for being a "stickler for the rules". Well whoop-de-fucken-doo, THE RULES ARE HIS WHOLE FUCKEN JOB. Literally his entire job description is "The Fucken Rules". CNN raging about "sexist inequality of treatment from the ump." Way to miss the point, or in this case, shrieking spoilt shithead demanding the ref apologise for enforcing the fucken rules. No mention of how bizarre it is that barge-arse Serena feels entitled to rage at the poor ump for having the temerity to do his job. He got paid $600 for the final. Serena gets paid a million or so for stinking up the joint, screaming, and coming fucken last. Poor ref, sad bugger should file for workplace abuse.

this bit in the Guardian summed it up for me:
"Her comments on court, during the trophy ceremony and in her post-match interview demonstrated her uncanny habit of conflating the good with the bad, mixing everything up to excuse her poor behavior."

..."self-exoneration through obfuscation"

Yeah, of course Serena wouldve had a shit time growing up black around all them white country club tennis Malibu Stacey slags sniggering at her shit. Also doesnt help that in terms of x's and y's she looks about 48% BLOKE.

But still, just imagine if say, a Djokovic went up to an ump and yelled "I never cheat. I have a daughter. I do what's right." The gales of laughter would shame the nutter right off centre court. Instant viral meme status. Sponsors would be glancing at each other like "what the fuck is wrong with our guy? Has he been touched in the head or some shit? Get him off the fucken air. Our product is not in the market of being associated with entitled divatic lunatics suffering from some sort of disassociative reasoning fucken schizoid meltdown."

Yet in the sepposphere when a proud black woman says that loopy tripe to the ump she's standing up to her white male oppressors or some David Copperfield crap.
"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."


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Re: Sports
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2018, 02:13:55 PM »

Brave. Very brave. I have no dog in this race, but indeed the sepposphere would likely tar and feather you for these opinions simply ‘cos they can’t help but politicize everything.

Sprague Dawley

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Re: Sports
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2020, 10:21:01 PM »

Back in the days when we had The Sports Seasons (already seems so foolish and childish and trivial, looking back now since The Event) I interviewed resident boofhead T.Prokash about the vagaries of his local variation of BoofBall and he kindly provided the following responses via The Twitter which I cleverly didnt even fucken notice until yesterday. Sorry Prokash, FFS I am a stupid cunt at times. Yes, at all times.

SD: Fill this in and I will post it at The Forii. Please provide elaborate informative answers with a MINIMUM of personal insults directed at my good self. That's **MINIMUM** not **MAXIMUM**, Prokash, you CTE braindead iron lung cripple.

TP: ffs. not now.

SD: Take your time. Your mother and I will be administering a grade for this assignment. Show your working.

SD: WFT is "Ineligible Man Downfield"?   

TP: Quite simple. In keeping with the American ethos of beauty over everything, this rule is in place to ensure that only the fit and adonis-like catch passes and get face time on the telly. Basically a rule to keep the fat fucks doing all the nasty dirty work in their sties. Although there is the possibility for these porkers to try and satisfy their hopeless masturbatory dreams of glory: they need to line up on the end of the line of scrimmage (being "uncovered" by another player, of course, meaning they are the end man on their side of the line, {you need to be roughly within a yard of the the LOS to be considered "on the line", so that's where a "slot" or "flanker" comes into play, basically some extra-metatarsal-having speed-wanker in a sprinter stance a yard or two off the ball making him and whatever wanker is "inside" of him eligible to catch a pass {{thus eligible to run more than three yards downfield of course}}) but also, most importantly, they must "report" - to the official that is, so that the ref can announce their eligibility to the whole crowd so that everyone can be sure to get a good eyeful when this oaf goes waddling out into his route and the QB pets his fat ass in the soft tissue with an 80-mph frozen fastball from 5 yards away, causing him stumble and fall like a drunken Russian circus bear. In this case everyone has a good laugh, taking a cue from our rich, handsome prototype queer fantasy QB, and we move on to second down. a non-reporting player on the interior of the line must stay within three yards of the LOS on a pass play. (to be a qualifying "pass play" the ball must be thrown FORWARD beyond the line of scrimmage.

SD: WFT is "play action"? (the combination of those two words would appear to encompass the entire gamut of movement itself.)       

TP: "play action" is when the action of the play is designed to look like a running play, but is actually a pass, usually with the QB faking a handoff. The idea here is to hopefully slow down the pass rush and to get a false step or two out of a linebacker or safety thus clearing some space for your receivers to run their routes. I don't have the guts or energy to make a funny on this one. christ.

SD: Prokash, how bad is your CTE personally?         

TP: Time will tell on this one. I remember getting knocked silly at least once in high school, but the fog pretty much lifted after a couple plays. If I sense my brain slipping at some point here, I'll probably just hit the sauce pretty hard and call it a day.

SD: If you're not entirely confident in the callipygous qualities of your posterior how fucken embarrassing is it to walk around in those skintight yoga pants?         

TP: Quite embarrassing I would imagine. That's why we keep the porkers for the most part confined to the trenches and off camera. (pro tip: sometimes these brutes even PISS & SHIT themselves on the field! Have a good stare at their lumpy hind quarters if the camera ever inadvertently lingers on 'em)

SD: Pros and Cons of the following commentators: Fouts, Romo and Collinsworth.   

TP: Fouts - Pros: knows his shit. has that old school, gentlemanly quality that any subject of the crown-type wanker should appreciate. Cons: probably a closet wife beater or racist or some shit.     

Romo: really knows his shit and hasn't been away from the game for very long so his insight is current. legitimately funny at times. my favorite color guy for sure. Cons: sometimes too smart for his own britches and comes off like the cocky asshole I-got-a-rich-daddy kid in junior high.   

Collinsworth: Pros: eh... knows what he's talking about for the most part... BUT Cons: he's gotten to the point now where it's like he doesn't know if he's doing a football game or a video game voice over. he's wandered into John Madden, hokey self parody territory. A lot of the time just spouting bullshit. Also thank you for not asking about Buck & Aikman.

SD: Prokash, bearing in mind your personal braindead vegetative advanced CTE state would you let your kiddies play BoofBall?       

TP: I have one boy that played all the way through middle school & high school and one year at a DIII college (until he realized what college was really for, hint: it ain't about having your ass owned and herded around by a football team that you're basically paying to play for). He suffered one concussion that we know about but still seems pretty close to baseline. I reckon all the weed he smokes keeps his brain regular.         I have an 11-yo that plays football currently. He is a big fucker so I don't worry about him too much. When he was 4 we discovered an arachnoid cyst on his brain which troubled us at first until the top children's brain surgeon in the state of Wisconsin assured us (in confidence-inspiring Paki-flavored english) that the cyst was benign and tucked safely away on the inside of the left frontal lobe, saying that for something to cause this cyst to burst, you would have bigger problems than the cyst. "so he'll be able to play football?" we said. "Well... I'm a brain surgeon; I don't think anybody should play football" he said. So... boff away young champion and make your daddy proud!

SD: The offseason goes from January to September. WFT do these fat cunts do all year?     

TP: They let their fucking bodies heal from the couple hundred car wrecks they endured in season, I suppose. They smoke a lot of weed, crack their girlfriends across the forehead with the barrel of their AR, IDK. Starting quarterbacks film commercials for multinational insurance companies and get "full body" massages from kidnapped 12-yo filipino girls on their team owner's yacht. Training camp starts in July, so... yeah they've got a lot to get to in the space of a couple months.

Hope this helps. And don't cheer for the Packers tonight; we got enough deficiencies to overcome without having to deal with your reeking mongrel vibes.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2020, 10:43:02 PM by Sprague Dawley »
"We are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different."