Master of Common Secrets – Lily Bix Daw

November 6, 2024

In less than one generation the level of power will become something strangely irreversible, like the way truly filthy hair retains some permanent sculptural qualities even after a few rinses. Just because something is impossible doesn’t mean it is a lie. You must know that everything is impossible. If you believe it is real, it can be easily untrue.
        I’m free of most feelings of embarrassment or otherwise now though which allows me to disembowel myself on a chair and wriggle around in it like I’m doing for you today.

 

In order to never be lied to, you must assume everything is impossible unless proven otherwise. Being in this condition is a bit like having your head in front of those two laughing smiling masks and having the option to duck into either one after every sentence uttered. 

 

I haven’t been thinking,  I’ve been feeling. I haven’t been looking, I’ve been doing.
        I haven’t been crossing sagely or safely, I’ve been throwing the boat onto the water with a loud slap and biting my arm with both teeth.
        I’ve been picking up what you’ve been putting down. I’ve been losing the wrench. I’ve been doing my homework 

 

I’m not made of that did you think I could be? I couldn’t be, I’m made of tunneling fecal matter and transplanted hairs. 
        Don’t call me that. Don’t call me that. Don’t call me that — call yourself that and then get back to me. See how you like it, see how it makes you feel.
        I’ll cut them off at the root and the spine. And the gristle in my teeth will be like the first time I let myself down 

 

what carpet. you said it first.  I never said that. I never liked a pile. I always liked a hard wood. easy to fall down on and I go somewhere when I stop myself. everytime I decay and linger further till I hit the wall. 

 

Those aren’t mine, they’re yours and they’re easily broken. beside herself I’ll break your face. I’ll tear your lips off and inject them with your own fat. 

 

what time is it. I had the baby that afternoon on the mountain and we were doing just fine until I walked off the cliff it’s always been this way 

 

I pulled it off when I was moving her. she wouldn’t move she kept turning to watch the sun set on the far side of the peak and I pulled it off   right at the joint I didn’t mean to

 

I didn’t mean to do that I know I really did. 
        I loved to hold her on my lap and smell her hair and then left her on the rock by the abandoned wind turbine   I was scared too you know   I was just as scared as she was

 

I eat the skin and eyes and lie awake in a bed that is not mine. Your mind is in my head and I need to make my life. This time I am not wrong, I think it does happen all the time.  

 

I offer to you a representation of the body part I wish to be healed. 

 

Okay.  so you reconnect with someone after over a year. can you say when you’re in there? You can just feel it.
        it’s someone who you knew very, very intimately. A lady who had just had a baby. and you had seen her again for the first time in 14 months and when you saw her at the wedding you danced with her. 
        she wanted you to nurse from her just to see what it was like. And to taste it. and I have to say it was even more intimate than I would have imagined.  it was a wonderful experience. Yeah.

 

I know not what I am I know not what I do. 

 

The night is dangerous and the body I found in the woods is covered in ticks instead of flies, and it opens its mouth and hiccups and burps, whispers I love the all American breakfast.
        This world hides the truth. But it hides the truth. I know you love it. 
        It’s time to start getting angry.
        A Silverado crashed into the aquarium and fish glitter in the glass, still swimming. There was a boy of around 12 standing in the cold as the snow fell, looking into the gutted living room, motioning toward the shards. They were a birthday present for his little sister. 
        The hubcap of the car next to us fell off into the powder with little to no sound.  

 

I think it’s funny that we tied our laces together
        And that isn’t love, that’s waiting. In the morning when the sun comes over the hills 

 

Later on I was searching for openings, overtures to the beauty of the world. Openings to the labyrinth, although I knew that if I found it, I would be quiet and patiently wait for my name to never be called like always. 
        I love the real country- It resists love. It feels so good to be a foreign body
        I hope that one day I will wake up next to you and we will recognize everything. You will recognize my criminal searches for beauty as idolatry. 

 

I love your indifference to the future. 
The beauty of the world is at the mouth of the labyrinth
I love your indifference to the future, baby 
I love to communicate to you. 
I love that you cannot receive me. 
What could be more horrifying

 

I’m in love with the things I don’t know about you. 

 

Thwarted infantile desire makes me horny. Stealing longboard shaped and sized loaves from the man you love. 
        He made them for everyone, and I’m learning to let things go. 
        I learn something new every day from the lawyer. Like Fuck you, strong letter to follow. 

 

I felt kind yesterday. I noticed it first along the edge of the water, little barbed wire incisions glinting along the outlines of all the trees. Papercuts lifting up at the edges and I hooked a nail and picked up at them until they began to give, and I peeled them back, I revealed some thing. 

 

One bunny close enough to the entrance to touch, so I reached out and touched it and caused
The death of a secret 
I don’t feel like I’m carrying around a new life anymore

 

But I am, so interested in how I feel right now. 
        Common secrets protect me, in the name of the father son and the holy spirit amen