My Scars Bleed When I Think of You – Hestia N/A

September 5, 2020

“Forever Inadequate”

 

Why won’t you take the time to know me
Well I guess me not even knowing who I am doesn’t help
Sorry I didn’t mean to make you upset or to come off mad I just want to be wanted
I want to be someone’s Antinous
Someone who someone else wants to be with
Sure I can get through the day but I want things to be more than just “okay”
I want to feel again
Love again
Be safe again
I know I’m a traumatized wreck of a creature
But I can work on it
Shave my skin off so the scars disappear
Break my head open so I can fix the inside
I’ll change from a floating lost soul into someone real
Then you will come back right?
You will love me again right?
…….right???

 

 

“Love-Fueled Martyrdom”

 

I never did understand what she was saying
Her words were laced in venom
Her breath filled the room with sulfur
She would ramble for decades if given a chance
I don’t think she even knew what she was saying half the time
I just wanted to help her
Bring her back into my reality
Hold her safely again creating a forcefield of solace
All entry points to her mind were walled off
Any passports inside were just tricks to kill you
At times I would tire in my vigilance
Those shrinks and mind cops could never help her though
All they would do in their demonic hospitals
Is pump her full of toxins so she could never break free
They just wanted to make her not a problem anymore even if that meant effectively killing her
In order to prevent her being sent to a Hell on Earth
I would stay by her side as an eternal guardian
Trying to always give her a chance to come back
At the end of the day though I just want the love of my life back

 

 

“I Wish I Couldn’t Be Remembered”

 

Sinking into my personal alcove in a mediocre coffee house surrounded by mediocre people
I felt her eyes burning holes into me from the other end of the shop
Lazily shifting my gaze upward I locked my wet cameras with hers
We sat like that for what seemed like a millennia
Losing interest I began to read again
5 minutes passed
Then 10
Then 20
Suddenly I felt her breath on my neck
Smelled her sickly sweet perfume
She was encircling me
I’d been outflanked, outmaneuvered
She whispered in my ear “I’ve seen you in my dreams for years, yet I don’t know you”
I turned sharply to face her our nose tips touching, eyes mere inches from the others
I said softly, “Why should I care?”
My words shattered her encirclement
She reeled backwards
My words were a wall of buckshot ripping her to shreds
In a daze she slowly wandered back to her seat in the coffee shop far away from me
Eyes hung low she pretended to lose herself in her work, reading or whatever
But I knew that when I wasn’t looking she would be