Stories

No biggie! – SG Phillips

If he asks: you didn’t hear it from me.

 

Not saying not to tell him for any specific reason, can’t tell you why but.

 

look:

 

I don’t want you to think he’s mad at me or anything.

 

He isn’t mad at me or anything.

 

We aren’t beefing or whatever.

 

If it slips out, no biggie, I was just asking. 

 

But, also:

 

If he finds out that you heard it from me:

 

then 

 

I didn’t tell you not to tell him that you heard it from me.

 

Not that it’s a big deal if he finds that out too. I can’t tell you why, but

 

it is for my own reason which is important but private and also

 

kind of a joke to be honest, my reason, but still, I can’t tell you what it is.

 

If it slips out, though…

And he asks why I told you not to tell him that you heard it from me,

 

after finding out that I told you not to tell him that you heard it from me:

 

then you didn’t ask and I didn’t tell you it was for reasons that were private but important to me
(but also kind of a joke).

 

I know you tend to slip up with things like this so I thought I’d ask you specifically 

so this way you didn’t.

 

Actually you know what don’t even worry about him finding out you heard it from me,

because

 

I don’t want you to think that if he finds out you heard it from me that anything bad would 

happen.

Or for you to worry that if he finds out that I told you not to tell him you heard it from me

 

that something different

but also bad 

 

would happen.

 

I also don’t want you to think that, or worry that

if he finds out you heard it from me, 

and that I told you not to tell him that you heard it from me, 

and that I wouldn’t say why I didn’t want him to find out that you heard it from me,

 

but that I still indicated the reason was private but important,

but also kind of a joke, 

 

and 

specified him not finding that out specifically,

 

This many entailments up the chain,

that something different but worse than all the previous entailments would happen.

 

And that if I specify again, each level will have worse consequences the more levels up he finds 

 

out 

 

about.

 

Look,

 

don’t think that it’s a big deal if he finds out that I told you not to tell him you heard it from me if he asks, and that it was for a reason that was important but private to me, but also kind of a joke.

Hah.

 

Relax:

 

there is nothing 

 

at stake 

 

if he finds out, 

 

nothing at all really.

 

You’re probably thinking

That if he finds out that I told you not to tell him you heard it from me, and that I had private but important reasons (that are also kind of a joke) for him not finding out, 

 

At least, I think you’re probably thinking that,

 

and  

 

that 

 

if he finds out, he might infer the reason incorrectly, and behave in such a manner as to cause a very 

 

long 

 

but predictable 

 

chain of events that result in various 

 

power-brokered business and political arrangements 

 

all flipping in a specific way.

 

You’re probably thinking 

 

That if he finds it out and infers the reason incorrectly, 

 

That this specific shift in this large network of mutual power-brokered arrangements suddenly flipping will cause a lot of issues financially and politically for a lot of

very

 

important 

 

people.

 

Important 

people

who 

 

would not take kindly to this shift in arrangement(s), and trace the source of this shift back to him, then to me, then to you. And this would put your life in danger as well as my own, because these are such

 

very

 

important

 

people.

 

I know you’ve been reading The Power Broker recently 

 

on

 

my 

 

recommendation 

 

and you are at the part where Robert Moses is demolishing that low income housing area by buying it up at an 

 

enormously 

 

wasteful 

 

price,

 

and that he is doing this so that the 

 

Triborough 

 

Commission or whatever can stay below financial solvency, because the moment that the 

 

Triborough

 

Commission becomes financially solvent; it is then legally required to pay off its debts and then dissolve. I don’t remember if it’s that particular commission but I remember that part.

 

And I know 

 

you know 

 

that you 

 

tend to slip up when you’re trying to comprehend complex meta-frameworks 

 

intuitively 

 

and on the fly, 

 

and that it can cause some skittishness that makes these slip ups more likely to happen. And that this 

 

layer 

 

of skittishness adds a new complication and you are trying to calculate your likelihood of 

 

failure 

 

to not let him know that you heard it from me and applying that probability to every level to estimate the consequences that 

 

each 

 

level

entails,

one 

by 

one.

 

But when your skittishness increases you realize the previous calculations are no longer correct and

 

need 

 

to 

 

be

corrected,

 

one

by

one.

 

And you begin again and stop and start another time and go

 

one 

by 

one 

 

again, because you forgot that the anxiety in this calculation is an isolatable, bracketable variable 

 

and now you’re embarrassed about that, and this embarrassment is itself another 

 

variable 

 

that has to be factored out in a different way, which adds another layer of anxiety 

 

which 

 

squares 

 

the first variable 

 

so it’s no longer factored out, 

 

so you would probably have to do some something analogous to deriving or integrating inverse trig functions or figure out a way to condense it.

 

like in that unit you almost failed when we took Calc II 

 

but I let you copy my answers since 

 

in my opinion if we encounter something in the professional workplace that involves deriving or integrating inverse trig functions we will probably have equipment on hand that is sophisticated enough to do that automatically.

 

You know, calculators.

Like in our phones.

 

Anyway:

 

I just wanted to go out of my way to let you know that none of that is the case, and there is no reason for you to worry about him finding out that you heard it from me, or finding out that I told you not to tell him that you heard it from me, or him finding out that I wouldn’t tell you the reason why I told you not to tell him you heard it from me, but that I indicated that the reason is private but important to me, but also kind of a joke.

 

the reason is mainly kind of a joke

 

I guess you can tell him you heard it from me

Or not, doesn’t matter, man.