Oh – Joshua Hebburn
March 9, 2021
I had a dream about strangers throwing mangos at me.
***
Started off the new year, she said, with a 10 minute ab workout that has rendered my entire body immobile.
I know, I was there, it was impressive.
I’ve known this my whole life all I want to do is nothing. Why do I try?
***
I had a dream you went to Italy. You sent me a postcard from Naples. It said Yes and other things I can’t remember because it was a dream.
***
She’s crying in the other room again
***
Heidelberg’s tears, she said, if they’re not being observed. Here you are Dr. Heidelberg.
You mean Heisenberg
You’re smarter than I am.
I’m
You are
I’m not
***
She’s practicing different faces to stop the wrinkles setting in during meetings. Like a moving thing can’t pick up snow.
***
I had a dream you bought a weighted blanket, or I bought you a weighted blanket. Do those things work? Is that a good idea?
***
Sometimes there’s enough snow.
***
I want to drive a beautiful car, once, twice. I’ll try anything twice. Getting to the once, well. No grace, no failure.
***
I overheard: Botox, it’s like a bat mitzvah for girls entering their thirties. I’m a woman now.
I love my girlfriend. She’s so funny. She’s so smart.
***
What if there really is a tempest in my teacup? A mountain in my molehill? Isn’t everything certain eventually fucked up? She texts.
***
You know it’s easier if you do it this—this way, babe.
***
Why do you keep talking about snow?
I like snow, how quiet it makes. I remember waking up to snow quiet.
I like the crunch in that first step. Like fresh frosted flakes. Milk.
Haha. Frosted.
I want to turn the TV on. Watch Pokémon. Big spoon. But that moment in time.
I don’t say it. We don’t try it.
***
I’m often up at night. I go through the apartment to piss or eat. Animal reasons. I can see something move in the dim in the corner of my eye, and I know it’s not there, but it’s real. That’s the way love is sometimes.
***
Is a mouthful of Aspirin just as sweet as one, or is it like a mouthful of Skittles—or Tylenol that does it, not aspirin? I want to ask you. Do you remember? From when you tried as a so troubled teenager?
No I won’t shut up.
Why should it be all you. I want to try putting a gun in my mouth. This part of the day is about me. Taste iron. Just a try.
Like a cowboy. All grace, all failure.
***
Oh.
***
I remember laughing at snowballs. The fact of snowballs, snowball fights. Wow.
An occasion of just the weather. We don’t buy anything.
***
Hard palette. Soft palette. I touch them with my tongue. I feel where it was burnt this morning. I can’t stop.
***
There and there, I want to see your wrinkles.