Oh – Joshua Hebburn

March 9, 2021

I had a dream about strangers throwing mangos at me.

***

Started off the new year, she said, with a 10 minute ab workout that has rendered my entire body immobile.

I know, I was there, it was impressive.

I’ve known this my whole life all I want to do is nothing. Why do I try?

***

I had a dream you went to Italy. You sent me a postcard from Naples. It said Yes and other things I can’t remember because it was a dream.

***

She’s crying in the other room again

***

Heidelberg’s tears, she said, if they’re not being observed. Here you are Dr. Heidelberg.

You mean Heisenberg

You’re smarter than I am.

I’m

You are

I’m not

***

She’s practicing different faces to stop the wrinkles setting in during meetings. Like a moving thing can’t pick up snow.

***

I had a dream you bought a weighted blanket, or I bought you a weighted blanket. Do those things work? Is that a good idea?

***

Sometimes there’s enough snow.

***

I want to drive a beautiful car, once, twice. I’ll try anything twice. Getting to the once, well. No grace, no failure.

***

I overheard: Botox, it’s like a bat mitzvah for girls entering their thirties. I’m a woman now.

I love my girlfriend. She’s so funny. She’s so smart.

***

What if there really is a tempest in my teacup? A mountain in my molehill? Isn’t everything certain eventually fucked up? She texts.

***

You know it’s easier if you do it this—this way, babe.

***

Why do you keep talking about snow?

I like snow, how quiet it makes. I remember waking up to snow quiet.

I like the crunch in that first step. Like fresh frosted flakes. Milk.

Haha. Frosted.

I want to turn the TV on. Watch Pokémon. Big spoon. But that moment in time.

I don’t say it. We don’t try it.

***

I’m often up at night. I go through the apartment to piss or eat. Animal reasons. I can see something move in the dim in the corner of my eye, and I know it’s not there, but it’s real. That’s the way love is sometimes.

***

Is a mouthful of Aspirin just as sweet as one, or is it like a mouthful of Skittles—or Tylenol that does it, not aspirin? I want to ask you. Do you remember? From when you tried as a so troubled teenager?

No I won’t shut up.

Why should it be all you. I want to try putting a gun in my mouth. This part of the day is about me. Taste iron. Just a try.

Like a cowboy. All grace, all failure.

***

Oh.

***

I remember laughing at snowballs. The fact of snowballs, snowball fights. Wow.

An occasion of just the weather. We don’t buy anything.

***

Hard palette. Soft palette. I touch them with my tongue. I feel where it was burnt this morning. I can’t stop.

***

There and there, I want to see your wrinkles.