June 23, 2020
DECLASSIFIED RECORDINGS OF THE SAN GUANA INCIDENT
WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ ARE THE TRANSCRIPTIONS OF THE AUDIO RECORDINGS OF 20 18-21 YEAR OLD YOUNG AMERICANS WHO IN THEIR RADICALISM ATTEMPTED TO BEGIN A INSURGENCY ON THE SMALL ISOLATED ISLAND OF DE CUNHA.
Audio Log 1: found in the forest of De Cunha Island.
Estimated to have been discovered 2 years after the original recording by Samuel Richardson.
June 22, 2020
Conway thought he was so slick. The slickest he had ever been in his miserable life. Knocking over the big boss was easy enough—he just weaseled his way into the heart of one of the boss’s best girls and ran like hell. Best of all, the idea was his and his alone. Conway figured that it more than made up for years of disappointment.
Ever since washing ashore in Bangkok,
June 21, 2020
So no one’s gonna admit they can’t open it
Like we’ve really just been ragequitting every attempt to go with the soap we have in our bathrooms
Like we’ve permanently resigned to our own handsoaps to such a point where we’re not even gonna try washing our hands at the kitchen sink anymore
Bc I don’t see anyone else trying at all
In fact i’ve never seen anyone try even once since we got it when that’s all I’ve been doing
June 20, 2020
For Will Bernardara Jr.
They should let me design a suit for Spider-Man, man. I’m so sure I’d do a stellar job of it. I’d make it using a dark fabric as a base – black denim’s a good shout – and then I’d just have it stained all over, with like, a dull, patchy, yellowish-grey wash. My suit would block out his ability to shoot web somehow,