Ping – Mariam Onipede

if anything, i only trust my subconscious’ birth

it is really all that is true and honest to me

the existence of God being proven by the books and events that seem too eerily coincidental to not be called a coincidence, burnt toast experiences too and all that, i don’t really care to be honest

ignorance maybe

i know for sure that what i think, what i produce, what i think, my ‘gut’ feeling, the ‘off-ness’ of something is the truest to me,

the most honest

i am in a club and this girl-woman

no, i think she is a girl

she is staring at me

her body is translucent

i look around, everyone’s body is translucent with the strobe of lights making it seem like they were a bubble with rainbow light reflecting off of it

no clothes on

no genitals, no facial features, just the human silhouette dancing to this really loud music,

everyone is dancing but this girl and me

i know she is a girl because i just feel it

i trust anything i feel

i just know

i look at my hands, i am not translucent

i look up at her and she is moving through the dancing translucent bodies towards the bathroom

like ‘through’ the translucent bodies, like ‘through’

bodies merging, bodies in bodies, bodies walking through another

i get up and see she is waiting for me at the bathroom door


woletheman: don’t go to njsdiddkejoamf

i don’t know what this dude is saying

i look up, she is opening the bathroom door

i start walking towards her, through the translucent bodies

they are walking through me too, it’s electric

it’s indescribable, i feel them in me as they walk through

it is anointing

it is true, honest

more and more bodies until i get to this girl

we walk in and in one of the stalls,

we-no-i hear moaning and thuds

they might break the door down


this girl pushes me to the wall and is now unbuckling my belt

my pants fall, i close my eyes


i open them and she has gotten up, leaving the bathroom

hey, wait

she doesn’t

the moaning ones don’t make a move to stop

almost like their voices got louder

i wear my pants and step out of the bathroom

nothing really satisfies me anymore; i think everything is mediocre or it’s my exposure to the mediocre

i don’t know, hurts like shit though

the dance floor or club has been replaced by a pool party

i look back, the door leading to the bathroom is not there anymore

“hey, i’m maria”



i look down, it’s a midget sized being

i squat to its level

it has an afro

i think it’s female

i touch the top of its head, it gives me a dirty slap


i look at my phone, the time is 26:22sm

what’s that

a text

woletheman: njsdiddkejoamfvmlrodmfkmala


it’s the sound of someone jumping into the pool

the pool is a square space with thick grey fluid that has glitters in it, like nail polish

people are in it,

some are kissing, i think some are having sex as they melt into the goo and never come out

i feel eyes on me

it is the midget sized being from the other side of the pool

i think mary or something was her name

she is staring daggers at me

the people here are not translucent

they are partying and sort of entranced by it, the party

it is a strange thing, lost ones

i walk to mary, as I get closer to her, she walks away

i follow her

she opens a door from thin air

i think the door is see through

she walks through

i follow, the door closes

it’s a four-corner medium sized room

“hey, hey, hey,” mary is snapping her fingers at me i think from below

i look down

she’s not there

this four-corner room has three book shelves on each side of the room except the side with the entrance

they have books in them

it must be a mini library

the room is bleakly red, i don’t know how to explain


a text

woletheman: njsdiddkejoamfvmlrodmfkmala

free me

the door to the room opens, someone comes in

a girl

she’s pretty

i want to talk to her,

another comes in, a dude

and another comes in and more and more and more people come in

the first dude to get in is banging his head on the shelf opposite the door

he is screaming as he does this

no one is stopping him

no one really cares, they are all conversing with one another

ignorant masses, sheep

blind herdsman

i am the herdsman because i’m doing nothing either

we are all herdsmen

what does that even mean?

his skull has cracked and he is still banging his head

the shelf is shaking

i think it might fall

he turns around facing my direction

he is looking directly at me actually


he screams loudly, really loud

from a speaker type loud, i can’t quantify in decibels

it gets really loud

i don’t try to close my ears, it doesn’t hurt but it’s loud

his voice is now high pitched

the shelf behind him is unbalanced, shaking, looks like it will tip over

his high-pitched scream is reducing in intensity

his head bursts

quite literally, brain splattered on every other person’s bodies and face

they keep conversing with one another, they don’t react

fucking morons

i think some brain got on my forehead, i touch to see


i can’t feel myself

i pinch

the bookshelf is falling forward

i step back

it falls on the people in its way crushing their skulls and bodies including the pretty girl from earlier

the unaffected ones make no move still


i make no move too

no, i do

i feel

i don’t know

i turn around to step out of the room

“you are a hypocrite”

it’s this midget sized girl again

she steps away, i open the door


a text

woletheman: njsdiddkejoamfvmlrodmfkmala

can this nigga speak english?

i walk through the path

there is a blinding light for a second and ear-piercing music

i’m back at the dance floor

the translucent bodies have been replaced with old people

men, women, non-binary

they are all old

some are break dancing quite literally, there is the actual crack of bones

they took it personal

some are old women and men

kissing each other, it’s a horrific sight

old people horror

the ones break dancing, crack their bones and fall to the ground

i think they then die

my girl, yeah, my girl from earlier

the translucent one is on her seat from before

she is still translucent

so special

i walk up to her

she is speaking, i can feel it

she is making these hand gestures but makes no sound

as she speaks, her body materializes

her true self, i think

she is female, i was right

i really always am

this is boring, i’m losing interest

she is ‘speaking’ and her body is growing these wrinkles

the more i get familiar the more i lose interest

natural phenomena

this is disgusting

i need her to stop letting me know anything

i get up to leave

she holds my hand

she is now completely wrinkled,

i thought she was pretty

i release her grip

she catches my shirt before i leave, i think she’s crying

i swat her hands away

i am walking away

i turn around to check her, she is walking to the dance floor

she looks sad but it goes away, it passes

she is now dancing, ‘break dancing’

i turn around

i must be in a persistent dream state

i don’t feel my pinches anymore, i haven’t in a month or more i think

in the hours between 3 and 4 ante meridiem, i have these mental purges

whether it be my dream state or this phantasmagorical living


i stop walking and look down

i just know it’s mary

i am right, i always am

“i need your help”

she is violently scratching her body

her arm, she is tearing her clothes and scratching and scratching

“please help me”

there are tears in her eyes

her skin where she scratches is peeling and it reveals another layer of slimy skin

no fucking way

i step back

this new slimy skin of hers has distorted black and white leopard prints

it is very wet and slimy

i take another step back

oga please now”

she is scratching violently


she is crying now as she tears at her clothes and scratch her body

oh mary,

i turn around to walk in the other direction

every other old person keeps dropping to the ground

i turn on my phone


51 texts from woletheman,

16 missed calls from woletheman

i see my hand is now translucent

my phone drops

a random dude walks past me,


he says to me


i look back at my hand

it is actively transforming

the translucent part is now wrinkling and it crawls up to my arm

translucent then wrinkles and more wrinkles then it completely shrivels and withers away


i want to scream but nothing comes out,


my fingers have completely withered away, gone, absent, disappeared


i turn around to find mary, I don’t see her

one of my arms is gone now


i run to one of the old people, a man


i want to scream at him but i smile instead

he smiles back


my second arm is gone


my legs start to feel weak

i find a chair and sit on it

my feet are translucent, then wrinkles then it is gone

i can’t think of anything else, i can only cry but my tears won’t drop

it is this smile still plastered on my face

old people pass me by and smile back

my legs are gone

my torso is going translucent too, wrinkling, withering