PLEASE BECOME GOD – Jane Judith
January 21, 2020
Monkey brain/ / /enjoys piano chord
Monkey brain ! … enjoys piano chord
Monkey+brain ===== enjoys piano chord
(Not this one though)
Ok monkey brain enjoys piano chord again and
Monkey brain*
*enjoys piano chord
skl******_____________________Trrrrrrrrrr…. . . .. . ….. . .. . .. . . . .. .
vodka x5
(Nada Mi Amor)
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pI'm fumbling more w/ my phone than most do w/ their (or other) cocks (in fact my girlfriend has gotten upset about how often I bring up that the first time I sucked a cock the guy exclaimed that I was rly amazing at it w/ in ~30 seconds so that includes me) awkward swipe at a blank screeen to excuse not socializing I pray it's a decent performance
but the moment I learn how to wield the thing i'll recycle throngs of horny millennials into true millenarians to a backdrop of warping string samples
[((({{{(((???
[((({{{(((???
and the violence plays out and fades 2 radio statics
iii^
a harp fixates on one note than sprints up non-linearly but in clear gesture then repeats an arpeggio then gradually drops it in a slow free fall before the repeated pattern starts disassembling itself and new lines start to emerge forming ambiguous numbers of counterpoints in any given moment
but somehow (even received audibly) this whole affair, from the initial drone to the hazardously intricate finale, feels as dry as reading the score without the internal ear to project it all
you're disappointed and would like to cry but can't so you smoke until you're where you want 2 be which ends up being
____cinema____
I'm driving home from the show
Radio playing trap music that couldn't have existed five years ago
(outside u mostly just hear the engine)
But some people still have no sense of time
!~&~!
I pass through a neighborhood where I used to fuck regularly
And now I only see it on this specific drive home
And some people still have no sense of time
= ==== == ,,, == = = ,,= = == ,,,,= = = == = ,,,,= = = = == ,,,,= == = == = = == = = ,=,=,== =
I can imagine, back in those days, some ostensibly omniscient researcher tagging me as a test subject
(Is my fashion sense distinct enough yet or will they need to make their own markings?)
Noting that I go to this same place that is not home and attach and split bodies with another
To squeal contort fluster myself create new rhythms
And then at some point stop forever
While they continue to sometimes attach and split
With the other body that comes back there every night, and often others
Ad infinitum~
My stopping might appear as a totally unpredictable event
Maybe it was
:::The data never lies:::
>-[Except by omission]-<
:::And we have this in common:::
I drop off the possessions she'd loaned me then leave
As I cross dirty snow to catch a bus
Something jerks, self-destroys
Maybe the car of someone I'll never interact with
Or the contemporary discourse around a minor Marxist concept.
Fuck it.
The shrapnel of whatever it was,
Agonizingly slow,
Headed right at me
If it weren't for history the rest of my life would be waiting to see what happened next
And then not even getting to consciously experience the vaporization itself,
At some point maybe noting that I could only conceive of its motion
Through metaphor with Metro Boomin's style of stretching a note
The catch is
In the years that it takes for it to reach me
I've evolved into someone else entirely
Who has the poise to nonchalantly avoid the disaster
Who could be one of seventeen rather important figures in a new religion
If the correct Messiah centralized us
But this simply doesn't happen
And we all go home embarrassed without even properly meeting each other
(Not that I've ever properly met someone
According to my brain when I'm this depressed)
kuul——–iii ii iiiiiii ii iii i iiiiiiiii
The only real consistency here
Is how I have to confirm I want to continue much more often than I have to put quarters into machines
Born too late for these to sync up
In the ubiquitous way they did for a brief period
I imagine their occurrences finding grace when revealed as an elaborate, swarming polyrhythm
The insistence on redemption being my way of indulging my childhood Catholicism
Any rhythm that complex deserves to decapitate me.
pleasedon'tfuckinglikeretweetcommentonthisshituntilyou'veletitchangeyourworldview
pleasereadatleast3thingsamonththatbegyou'pleasebecomegod'
Epilogue/Effigy
Hey reinvent yourself
High school all over again
Everyone's early 20s or older
Greatjustgreat
First kiss first period first time skipping the homework
Tripped in class once and a desk catches my jaw,
Teaches my spine to stay straight and condemns it to a permanent sixty degree angle
And v v v v
(this is why, eventually, I lose)
(Finding cynical vengeance in synthetically reducing the crowd's roars to a single buzz
That grants me the ecstasy of a known fate
A last consideration of my fingers
And the lions re-interpreting my body, total, into nourishment)
(But it seemed funny at the time)