Shriners Hospital Kids Are 100% Not Real – C. Morgenrede

July 15, 2025

I recently signed up to be a Nielsen Survey test subject and so far, they’ve sent me $22.00, this has to be the most money I’ve made doing absolutely nothing; they also sent me a smart watch that might give me cancer but whatever I’m loving it, thank you Nielsen;

I was driving through Arkansas to go play pinball at the Vortex Arcade and I saw a semi-truck with “Make America Milf Again” spray painted on the rear swing doors and I laughed so hard I almost hit the car next to me;

“Did you use that new AI software to synthesize data like I told you? Or are you just generating images of the American presidents with giant boobs again?”

I love cancelled people more than myself sometimes;

“If only you are happy”
“My heart is also pounding”
“It’s always you for me”
“On such a Beautiful Day”
– 2024 artworks done by Youngji Lee

The sound of a child coughing makes me want to kick a small dog;

Michelle Obama face purse,
Wheelchair Basketball Ankle Breaker Compilation,
White boy SHOUTING while playing
the NFL Blitz 2000 Gold arcade machine;

“Did I ever tell you my friend got hammered drunk at a hotel and tried to get into a fight with the band 311? They were with their wives and shit and my buddy was all, ‘Aye, we gotta fight,’ and the band members were like dude come on we’re with family right now but he kept insisting, ‘nope, nope, time to fight, it’s fightin’ time,’ and eventually security escorted him to his room without incident;”

One time I saw an albino Asian and a black midget in the same day, I think God was trying to tell me something;

Magic Spells by Crystal Castles
Strobe Light by The B-52s
Pretty Girls by The Kids of Widney High

I didn’t want to be the person to say this, but hear me out: You don’t have to share that post. You don’t have to let annoying fat bitches with bad haircuts dominate your social media feed. You can ignore any and all attempts of terminally online retards trying to make you be someone you’re not. You can think for yourself and completely move past the year 2014. You are allowed to smell the flowers.

Protesting in America became irrelevant the day Martin Luther King Jr. was shot in the head at the Lorraine Motel;

Toasted bread with Wholesome Farm butter and Smucker’s honey, poppy seed scones, ice cold water, sun-kissed orange tea, fancy cut sausage, and a bowl of oatmeal topped with brown sugar, walnuts, dried cranberries, and golden raisins;

There’s no way Shriners Hospitals for Children exists
There’s no way Shriners Hospitals children talk like that
There’s no way Shriners Hospitals children look like that
There’s no way Shriners Hospitals for Children are being serious with those hats
There’s no way Shriners Hospitals for Children isn’t using magic to keep those kids alive, but not the cutesy magic, nah nah I’m talking about they fucking torture animals and use crystals to suck life forces out of dead baby birds type shit, like just look at those kids and the way they talk into the camera, like you do not naturally develop that kind of demeanor without drinking rabbit blood or something dude;

I want to kiss your strawberry
I want to kiss your kiwi
I want to kiss your passionfruit
I want to kiss your pain
I want to kiss your cumquat
I want to kiss your cantaloupe
I want to kiss your lemon
I want to kiss your open wound

You are one of Chris Antemann’s porcelain figurines, milk white and naked, distant with a carved stare, crawling on all fours like an animal, leaning over the table offering desserts to domestic lovers at an 18th century dinner party;

When I dream, I relapse, I walk around with a beer bottle that appears out of thin air, I suddenly have a blunt in my mouth and I’ve smoked so much of it that I can’t stop, I can’t stop but like all the dreams that start with breaking my sobriety, I eventually wake up intoxicated only by adrenaline and regret;