How to Kill Someone's Wife on the Lower North Side – Sprague Dawley

Hey Losers.

X-Man Here.


Do you hate wives? I mean, wives in general? Man, I do. Fuck them!

If you want to make the world a better place by ex-communicating one
of these shitty
people from the chapter AND from the verse, then just follow these
simple and easy steps;

Step 1.

First, pay a visit to my favourite wife-killing shop on the Lower North Side.


They have all the shit you need.

A knife to kill the face.
A gun to kill the neck.
A tourniquet for the Tourettes.
Scissors to trim the lady’s beautiful fingernails. I MEAN TRIM HER
haha, all the shit you need for Operation One Less Wife.

Step 2.

Next, you are going to need some night time.

This is simply a matter of timing because night time ALWAYS comes
around soon enough if you are patient.


Good timing.



Step 17.

If you casually want to horrifically traumatize that dead random slag
for 3 afterlives into the
future then ask the Wife-Killing Shop vendor (Gene-o) if you can see
“The Rig” out the back.

“The Rig” is actually Gene-o’s homemade wife-killing machine.
He calls it the “Daewoo BitchThrottler2000”.
He is a stupid cunt at times.
At all times.


The controls are a bit iffy and you’d be surprised at how fine the
ministration is between “throttle” and “decapitate”. Still, what do
you care, this is “How to Kill someone’s Wife on the Lower North Side”
not “How to tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak wife”! FAG!

After the deed is done, and if you REALLY want to make the dead wench
suffer for about 300
million millenia into their 15th afterlife then give these wankers a
call at 0800-666-GUNSTON;


*ps, DO NOT say I sent you, I don’t want to wind up on their fucking
BBQ out the back with you.



Xavier “X-Man” Jones.