T RUT H: THREE OFFERINGS FROM THE COLLISION BOX – Karl Allmendinger

April 6, 2026

Day 502

“Tra fiori e davanzali
i gatti lo sapranno.”
—Cesare Pavese

To watch
The unstoppably
Slow
Deterioration
Of life
And what
You love
More
Than your own
Drag
On
With false hope,
Your hands
Inside
The inevitable,
More than any
Surgeon
Or psychologist,
Is
The impossible recovery.

I’m going
To have cereal
Without
Milk tonight.
What
Happened
And why?
It’s not
Some
Pussy poetry
Artist in crisis
Or post
Glory dazed
Flashback
For lack
Of recognition
On the narcotizing
Slopes
Of Parnassus.

It’s more
Fucked.
A few
Can
Get it
But most
Aren’t here.
It’s writing
For the hidden
Not
Here,
Written
For when
I’m both
Here and not.
That’s
The photo
On my
Still
Expired license.

The first day
I wrote
About Wizard
Like this,
Was the
Tomorrow
For the recorded
Rest
Of the here
That’s not.
We’re
One not
Away.
I envy
Those
Who transcend
These
Continuums of attachment
And
Relentless despair.

Day 506

“Daddy’s not comin’ home”
—Smashing Pumpkins

The things
You’ve
All
Seen—
A long
Narrative reflection
Conveying on:
What the fuck
Happened again?
Beats the shit
Out of me.
Every day and
Then some.
I’m
An NPC
Zombie
Stuck
In the polygonal
Liminal
Loop.

Where is
The past
That gets
Stuck
In the neurological
Corridor
Of blood
Elevators
And long
Red halls
With blood
Red walls?
I’m hungry.
Peanut butter
And sour
Dough bread—
Not enough
Fuel
To sustain
Traction.

The glitch
The glitch
The glitch
Is in you
The glitch
Is you.
I’m a glitch
The glitch
Glitched
In the gut
Truth
The rut:
Deleted
T and H.
I can’t
Eat more
Bread.
Toasted white
Bread.
Bread.

Let be
Be the final
Of shit.
There are
So many
Ways
Not to give
A shit.
This shit ain’t
What you think.
Penguins
Flatter
The ice
With their
Black
And
White
Feathers amplifying
Arctic
Effulgence.

The cats
Have seen it
All—years
Dripping
Off the page
Through
The sieve
Of
Euthanized time:
Humans
Go the same,
Only
Remembered
By those
Who
Remember
Their name.
Just a walking
Grave
Of memory.

That’s all
Any
Of writing
Is.
Pretend it’s
Something else.
Good.
That’s nice—
Clever,
Amusing too,
Deep
As the throat
That
Can take it
Down
The trap
Door
To the infinite
Stomach
Of regress.

Already stuck,
Vertex explosion
Stretching abyss
Out of
Bounds be
Fore the after
World went
Distorted
Contraction measures:
Flares
Of distress,
Stuck
In the geometry
Of the collision
Box:
Canticle,
Ventricle,
Multicipital,
Bicycle head
Brain.

Clipping,
Splitting,
Spitting out
The mayonnaise
Noise,
Main spike failure
Gap—tunnel
Transition…
It’s still
A void,
No matter
How novel
Memory rewrites
Its vane
Detail.
Cut the vein.
Write it
Out.
Only way
To now.

Like
I was
Swallowed
By a wall,
New Jersey, 1985,
Brendan Byrne Arena:
Couldn’t
Get out.
Stuck behind
Polyurethane
Bubble cocoon
Pushing out
Bubbled womb
Birth limbs
Alien stretch
Weird, elastic—
Then,
The wall
Coughed
And spit.

Go to
Burger King!
Fuck it!
Spend
The 20 bucks.
Live
In doubt
Of algorithmic
Overlap:
It’s all
Memory language,
Placenta
Slick,
Wet
With the comedy
That only
Quarks
When tragedy
Delineates
The bark.

Jesus, Wizard,
I
Have to
Live—
No idea
Why
Except to
Finish
What was
Started.
You saw everything.
You should be
Seeing more,
As long
As
I am
With the rest.
As long
As we can
Take it.

Hunted
And hunter,
I can’t
Stand
Work before
I’ve even started—
Again.
And again,
Creeps
In this
Hollow,
Sunken
Bloodshot face,
Dump trucks
Under
The eyes,
Faith
In my black
Coat,
Sober disguise.

So few
Left
Make the work
Worthy—
Value
Versus
Worth:
Judgement is
Easy
When you’ve
Got it
Good,
Easy,
Even easier,
Hard is easier
Than
A stone
Hard self
Carrying disgust
At its core.

Yes,
The spirits
Of animals
Rain before
Me:
They reign
Within too.
If you can’t
Feel them
It’s
Your loss
Toward
The light
Wonder
Full
Spectrum
This being has
To offer.
Judgment only
Reveals judgment. Duh.

Day 508

Today:
Tea,
Pringles and meatloaf,
Stare into the
Dark of the
CPU—
Raven-tested,
Safe haven
Vetted,
Suicide-invested.
Push
The button
And
Blow—
Somehow,
I have to get
Off this planet
Alive.
Paid car bill.
Thanks, Ed.