Stories

Temporary Like a Cheeseburger – Michael O’Brien

Renée Zellweger took a year out of college to count wolves in the wild. This is where she met Vincent D’Onofrio. Vincent D’Onofrio wanted to become a boxer. But he also liked counting wolves. He had a mustache.

Renée Zellweger: I don’t think you should become a boxer.
Vincent D’Onofrio: But I want to.
Renée Zellweger: Ok. But.

Vincent D’Onofrio took Renée’s criticism to heart and instead took an acting roll where he played a writer who wrote a story about a boxer. Nowadays, in the evening, he goes out with a pirate sword among the cherry trees and swings it around all the while cursing Renée Zellweger in a pirate’s accent. He also supports the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a pirate themed sports team, to augment his pirateness.

Vincent doesn’t mind feeling depressed but he hates feeling suicidal. Renée Zellweger doesn’t have an opinion about suicide or depression. But she likes cheese burgers.