The Bad Chinese – Reuben Slade

June 10, 2026

I was standing in the ‘Spirituality and Religion’ section of Paperback Bookshop and I was reading Reading Genesis by Marilynne Robinson.

On the front cover, the endorsement said: ‘Her work defines universal truths about what it means to be human.’ 

Under this, in bold, capital letters, it said: ‘BARACK OBAMA’.

I looked at the big mirror they have in the corner there and I felt comfortable for the first time in a while.

I thought: I might come in here and keep reading this book until I’ve finished reading it.

Almost immediately, I put the book back on the shelf, first in the wrong place—to the right of a book by an author named Willow Robinson—and then in the right place—to the left of this book.

I talked to a woman who worked there about picking up two books I had ordered online.

She told me it was $47.90.

I told her I had paid online.

She looked at the computer and moved the mouse around.

I said: ‘I think I have an email confirmation.’ 

She said: ‘Oh, no, don’t worry. I see.’ 

Then I heard her say: ‘You have a lot of loyalty.’ 

I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I said: ‘Oh, yeah! I really like coming here!’

I smiled a weird kind of smile, shrugged my shoulders in a really exaggerated way, and put my hands in the air with my palms facing upwards as I said it.

I felt vaguely embarrassed about doing that and I wondered why I didn’t just ask what she said.

I tried to turn around but a woman was walking behind me to look at the books they had in the window—I didn’t know what books they had there—and my backpack sort of rubbed against her’s and it made a sound that I couldn’t bear.

So, instead of turning around, I said to the woman who worked there: ‘Sorry, what did you say about loyalty?’

My voice sounded like it came from very far away.

She said: ‘You have a lot of loyalty dollars. You have, like, $32 worth.’ 

I said: ‘Oh, okay. Nice.’

She said: ‘Yeah.’ 

I dashed to the ‘Spirituality and Religion’ section and I brought Reading Genesis to the woman who worked there.

I had already looked at the price, but I said: ‘I think this is $30.’ 

The woman scanned the book and looked at the computer.

She said: ‘It is. You can just … you can just have this.’ 

I smiled, raised my eye brows a little, and nodded a few quick nods.

She looked at the computer and moved the mouse around again.

Before long, she gave me the book and a receipt that I know I’ll never forget.

It said: ‘PAYMENT METHOD: Loyalty’.

And I smiled a big smile.

An older woman who also worked there must have overheard us.

She said: ‘It’s nice when they don’t know about the loyalty dollars. That way it’s a nice surprise.’ 

The younger woman and I agreed.

As I turned to leave, the older woman said: ‘Take care!’

And I said: ‘Thank you!’

As I walked out the door, I held it open for the older woman.

She was carrying some empty cardboard boxes that didn’t seem too heavy.

I thought: They probably have a recycling bin in the alley next to the store that they share with the other stores nearby—the only famous pasta restaurant in Melbourne and another restaurant called Bottega that isn’t not owned by the brand Bottega Veneta who I think have a store nearby.

As she walked out the door, the older woman said: ‘Thank you!’

I said: ‘You’re alright!’

She said: ‘Take care!’

And I thought: ‘…’

–

I went into a bad Chinese restaurant.

There was a loud woman at the back of the restaurant in the doorway to the kitchen.

She shouted: ‘Table for one?’

I signalled ‘one’ with my finger and pointed at the table in the window to ask if I could sit there.

The woman raised both of her arms and both of her eyebrows and said: ‘You can sit anywhere!’

I suppressed a smile.

I worried that if she saw me smiling she might think it was directed at her extremely thin eyebrows, or the pinkish and kind of raw-looking skin around them, but I was only smiling because of what she said—because she said I could sit anywhere.

I sat at the table in the window and the woman brought me a menu.

I said: ‘Can I get the grilled chicken and prawn dumplings?’

She said: ‘You mean pan fried?’

I said: ‘I mean pan fried. And can I get a can of coke to go with them?’

I made another signal with my hand as I said ‘can of coke.’ 

Kind of like I was holding a can and tipping it back and forth pretty quickly.

I don’t know what I meant by the signal but I did it every time I asked this woman for a can of coke.

As always, she made the signal back to me and said: ‘A can of coke.’ 

She walked back to the kitchen without putting the menu down, and then she came back with a small bowl, a tea cup, and a canister of tea.

I poured myself half a cup and I thought: ‘I really like this tea, but I’m so sensitive to caffeine.’ 

I took a sip.

This small amount of caffeine immediately felt really good.

I thought: ‘Felt immediately really good.’ 

And then I thought: ‘Immediately felt really good.’ 

There was a window at the back of the restaurant where you could see into the kitchen.

In the window, I watched two elderly women shouting in Mandarin Chinese at the woman who had brought the bowl, the cup, and the canister of tea, who shouted back in Mandarin Chinese.

They must have been much louder but I couldn’t hear them over the hum of the three or four other people in the restaurant.

I heard one of them say: ‘Her work defines universal truths about what it means to be human.’ 

In the window, I watched one of the elderly women say: ‘BARACK OBAMA.’ 

Then the woman came back with a plate of pan fried chicken and prawn dumplings and a plate of drunken chicken with rice.

She gave the drunken chicken with rice to another table but she didn’t give them the chicken and prawn dumplings.

I turned to the woman as she came with the plate of dumplings so she could easily hand them to me.

Before I knew it, I had poured most of a bottle labeled ‘soy and vinegar’ all over my eleven dumplings.

I picked one up and I held it in my fist as tightly as I could.

I took a bite.

With my other hand, I opened my can of coke.

I looked at the can for a long time, then I tilted it towards me, and then away from me, and then towards me again, and then I poured it all over my ten and a half dumplings.

I looked at yet another beautiful and glistening dinner.

And then I dived in, I splashed around, and, after a while, I smiled a big smile.

There was a kind of magic all around me.

But it wasn’t the kind that I would notice.