the snoot project, resolution to – Amina Snoot

September 25, 2023

part iii – nyc, summer 2023

he tells me he’s going to new york next weekend and i say what a coincidence, me too. he says it’s for a job interview, which doesn’t make sense, but i don’t push it. he doesn’t answer a single question about the interview or his plans. i know it’s about to be over. i’d been trying to get him to visit me, me, his “best friend,” for nine months but he’s been too busy being unemployed. i tell him karma’s a relaxing thought. i tell him i miss when things were good between us, when we would tell each other everything. he says well, you are my sweetest downfall. he says love is love. i tell him i know he’s lying.

we meet up in coney island even though it’s an hour away and i don’t want to go. he’s there with a dozen people: a new, second-life cohort of friends. he’s never told me about any of them even though we talk 24/7. i give him some falafel, his favorite snack, that i brought from greenpoint and he tries to make me carry it for him. i threaten to throw it out before he takes it back and eats it, thanklessly, with his hands. he has a different persona around his other friends: one that doesn’t want to run stark-raving mad, screaming, down the street, or walk begrudgingly arm in arm, or permanently hunch over his phone. i feel like i have been dispatched here to be embarrassed. i chase him down the street for old time’s sake but he doesn’t want to play along. his friend asks how his hinge dates are going. he blushes and says he doesn’t know what she means.

on the train ride back to the city he repeatedly asks me if i’m sure i want to go to the bar with him and his friends. i get the sense that if i go, i will uncover more things he’s been hiding from me. i decide it doesn’t seem worth it and go home.

the next day he’s leaving the city and says he’ll come see me before he goes. i hang around brooklyn until i’m sure he’s not actually coming. it’s 1000 degrees out and i take the train and walk to the lower east side. i wait for him in his hotel lobby. he shows up with a friend and we hang out in the lounge for a bit. we get a second alone and i force him to admit he’s been staying with his friends and isn’t here for an interview. he’s never actually had any intention of moving to the west coast with me. i ask how his new girlfriend is doing. he waffles and lets out a nervous laugh. i tell him i have to go. i tell him i don’t like how he treats me. i tell him i know he doesn’t respect me. i tell him to never contact me again. he thinks i’m joking, says i’m being silly, and tries to hug me. i say no, i’m serious, never contact me again, and walk out.

i don’t understand why he’d lie to me. we told each other everything. i feel betrayed and deceived and fooled and tricked by my best friend as the train comes to take me home. i start to wonder what else he’s been lying about but stop myself. every project has a resolution, and this one is mine, and mine alone.