The Vices of Youth – Aqeel Parvez

Quick Fix



18-year old uni student called Chloe has 134k instagram followers. one fateful sunday morning her tits explode and her ass implants cave in. at the same time her insta following mysteriously drops to a measly 134 followers. chloe cries for 6 days and 7 nights. on the 7th night Chloe cuts her wrists in the bathtub. on the 7th night Chloe is dead.


Scott wakes up hungover on a dreary tuesday. sleeping next to him is Cindy, stunning blonde hair, smelling like all the flowers, like poetry. perfect body, all fit to specification. Scott presses Cindy’s on switch. she yawns, flutters her eyelids. she keeps eye contact, she moves under the covers towards his piece. she maintains eye contact. she goes to work and Scott’s eyes roll backwards towards his spine. scott takes his phone off charge, goes to amazon and writes her a blistering review.


James buys a new batch of space steroids. promising instant results. no known side effects. tested on pigs and the homeless. James injects straight into his asshole. James read somewhere that this was the best way. he feels interstellar. he feels fucking hard. James goes outside and starts sprinting through the streets of leeds city centre. he strips naked in millenium square. he looks down and screams. the people look at James. he falls to his knees. from his belly button down James has the body of a gorilla. James is disgusting, a freak, an animal. the helicopters circle. James runs through the crowd. runs faster than any man, but James can’t outrun the helicopters. they shoot him limp in the street. so much for no side effects. nothing comes free. James looks down at his muscles one last time. his superhuman animalistic body. James dies like a tranquilised gorilla.


Overdraft Dodgers


Jake, Omer and me
sat in Salford maccies at 6am,
I was 18, skinny poor disillusioned
down n out dreary
bursting with sick philosophy and uninformed madness, the 3 of us eating £2 bus ticket meals

the overdraft dodgers, the student scroungers. there was no girls and little hope.

by 6am, I imagined settling with a girl with

chicken nuggets falling out her mouth,

t-shirt covered in jaegerbombs with
hair plastered to her face.

it wasn’t easy to think like this.

everyone wants a nice girl until
they realise nice girls don’t swim in filth.

misplaced confidence and style can carry a man.

when it came, it wouldn’t be much except
one hit wonder happiness.
some kind of starting point.

but she didn’t walk in that night or the next night.

for I was a savage, eating myself alive
in the darkness of a rented student flat.
and the next weekend we were in maccies again

and it continued like this for a while




misled hopes, cheeks soft like caramel butter pancakes
craving drama, craving the next news story,
we are controlled and distracted by a pair of tits or a big ass,

wanting life on a plate like a michelin star meal with the cutlery

and bib tucked in. useless babies.


but for the braindead swine
consumption of literature
consumption of anything worthwhile is rare.

when it comes to creation people
are devoid of imagination,
have no patience or have no time.
creation is a leper surrounded by nazi

propaganda posters.


the reality tv shows, the celebrity gossip,

the social media outrage,
are more favoured pastimes.

consumption supersedes creation,

we are greedy disgusting creatures.


feisty fingers mindlessly scheming
their next purchase. mind fucked mazes
of option: subscriptions, first time buyers, free trials,
‘oh, it’s just a sample’, thanksgiving sale, black friday sale,

christmas sale, easter sale, your neighbours bake sale,


friday deals, first time deals, free meals, limited time only

limited copies, teaser trailers, 24 hour flash sale,
open your asshole sale, open your mouth sale,
yes right there, a little wider, just wide enough so we

can insert a big throbbing cock.
don’t worry sir, and the people say
‘oh yes sir, oh yes miss, come right in, please be gentle’


remember we reward the early adopters, the repeat buyers.

and once you get fucked in the ass,
the next time is a little looser and
the next time is always a little smoother.

well hop right in then boys and girls,

lads n ladies. ok, here we go.
first we apply the lubricant
and gently slide it in,

gently, gently,