this true love that waits at the end of despair – Bobbi Lurie
June 29, 2020
I gave myself up so completely,
I forgot I was a corpse.
I’m 20 years old now
I did the jump in the abyss
a few times and felt alive,
I felt this true love that waits
at the end
I am thankful I experienced what it is to be human
a few minutes.
Now I am divided
by the desire of either
myself is always pain, a pain that I completely split up into grotesque life.
Now I neither want to split off
nor can I
Insomnia and despair has exhausted me,
my skinny body is cramped like a skeleton
trying to hide from the storm.
If I try to relax, my heart rages,
fear throws me down.
I am ashamed of
suicide but this
condition is not bearable
within months I would enter real psychosis
and may be lost
in dependence forever.
Now is the time
a rational decision.
There is no one who will grieve for me, ’cause no one ever saw
Despite one girl, one glimpse, I smiled.
The only time I smiled in my life.
I never managed before or after
to truly smile.
We are born into a dust cloud
within a chaotic universe. There is dignity of life
but society has no dignity.
Suicide is no sin but a mistake,
I know it is an error,
But if I cannot love anyone well enough,
I will also not hurt them.
before madness takes me over.
I believe we will be reborn
and come back with new strength.
This gives me hope.
I’m sad to leave this world for
I love the sunrise.