Trying to Self-Actualize and Failing – Hestia N/A

August 18, 2020

Ashes in Dew

 

Sometimes I try to think on my childhood
I realize that I really don’t remember it at all
It’s a dream at best, a nightmare at worst
All I can ever grasp are the blood trails of times lost
I know I lived
I hope I lived
But it is hard to justify an existence you can only remember the last 3 years of
Maybe there is something wrong with me?
I’m not sure
All the ambiguity in my existence may be what spurred my rebirth through faith
Faint smoke trails floating in my brain
They only seem to solidify in my subconscious irreality
My restless nights
Flashbacks hit me like a FIM-92 Stinger’s missile hitting the exposed flesh of a helicopter
Leaving nothing but entrails and rot
My life is pilgrimage from unknown to known
Disappearing like the morning fog
My childhood is but the vanishing ashes of a bonfire

 

 

Something About Cups

 

I rest leisurely in my chair of solace
Eyes fixated upon the distant horizon
Sun rises, clouds float gracefully as if puppets on strings used in a elaborate performance
Steam lazily floats upwards from my ashen cup, filled with tea
Taking calming sips on occasion
The liquid fills me with a deep warming comfort as if I was but a baby in my mother’s arms
Cradled, at peace, no worries just tranquility
The small Bonsai tree on my balcony
Its forms, shapes, and colors
Aid in creating my zone of peace
Time’s restraints fade
Moments feel like decades within this ethereal harmony
I turn my gaze back to that endless horizon
Smiling I watch the Sun as it sets on the world

 

 

They All Around Us

 

They are in the computer
They are in my walls
They encircle me all around
I see the patterns, I see them
They hide from me, fearful of God’s light
The demons circle like vultures
Waiting, Watching
My prayers keep them back, a burning fire
Melts their forms if they get too close
Through my faith I am strong
Through my faith I fight against the darkness
I walketh through the valley of death
Holy symbols, mystic sigils
Surround me
A divine shield
I will banish evil from the souls of my fellow man
Freeing them all from damnation
I will be a rock of faith, a bastion for others to seek
I am a humble pilgrim, a lowly servant of God
Blessed is the most high, blessed is man
Immortal souls immune to decay unlike our fragile sinful temporal forms
Crowned with my hood, I cry for hope